Later that
night, even after being consumed by the presence of the Lord… I messed up
AGAIN!
“Lord, I
don’t understand! Why do I continue to mess up? Why do I continue to fall
short? Why can’t I just make it all stop? I’m never going to get it right! You
showed me your love like I’ve never felt before and I STILL screwed up!”
I talked
with one of my squad mates that morning about what happened. I started crying
again. As this person held me, snot now all over their shirt, I couldn’t let
any words out.
They told
me, “Jessica, I’m not mad. I was just scared. I’m not mad. I still love you.
The Lord still loves you. It’s okay.”
Seriously?!?
Why? Why do you still love me? Why do you still care? I don’t understand.
Wouldn’t it just be easier if you were just mad at me? Wouldn’t it be better
for everyone if I just went home? I don’t get it!
As I played
the scenario over and over and over again in my head, trying to make sense of
all that happened. Trying to figure out how it was possible. I heard my
teammate playing a song that I had heard a million times, but for the first
time it became real…
“Your
love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me…”
There is
nothing that can separate us from God’s love.
“For I
am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, not things present
not things to come, nor powers, nor heights nor depth, nor anything else in all
creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our
Lord.”
-Romans 8:38-39
“If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking…”
“But He said
to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power
of Christ may rest upon me.”
-2
Corinthians 12:9
