Corner 33 has been my place of refuge these past four weeks. It is a little coffee shop here in Phnom Penh and it has been the place I have ran to just to “get away” from things on the World Race. But today Corner 33 is’nt just a place to relax , read a little bit, and just hang out with people. Today it is a place of brokeness and it is a place I feel so alone.
This past week I have had a really hard time sleeping because I cant get my mind to slow down. They say the World Race is about a journey, and I know it is, but the things that I’m dealing with right now are the things that I thought I was ok giving up to the Lord. I struggle with wanting to change the world. I know it sounds funny and a good thing but its hard for me to go into a situation and not want to give people something tangible. I know the Lord is enough, but the earthly me wants to just make things better. Dealing with this often leaves me broken and hurt because I feel like I didnt make a difference. But what gives me the right to think I am the one that causes this differece? Cant love be enough?
We have been back in Phnom Penh for one week and I havent had much interaction with children. I think part of my wants to protect myself from getting attached. But Pam, Stephanie, and Lindsay have fallen in love with AIDS orphans and at night we meet up with the one of the translators and he brings a few kids for us to get to spend time with. We normally take them to get ice cream. We always have a blast and even though I havent worked with them much I have still loved the time I have spent with them. I have wanted to do something to make their lives better but I know they are loved deeply by the workers of the orphange and they have a father in heaven that loves them more than anybody EVER could. He is enough.
But today was the point I hit rock bottom. Today I spent the day at the New Life School. I wasnt sure what the day was going to look like but to my suprise they once again wanted me to interview the children and write mini testomonies to try and acquire scholarships for kids who cant afford to pay for the school. It’s hard to hear a childs heart and not want to rip out my pocketbook and pay for whatever they need. Some of these kids dont have any family, some come from very poor familes, and some have AIDS. If these kids dont get an education most will end up on the streets. Did you know that 50% of orphans end up in prositution after they leave the orphange? Mostly because they are uneducated and also they are an easy target. The principle at New Life told me that only $250 dollars a year allows a child to get one year of education. This made my mind start turning, how can I cut spending so I could be able to give $250 to support a child and potentially save a child from prostitution or just better his or her life?
But the Lord doesnt want me to do that. I have spent the afternoon thinking and praying on what to do, but the Lord told me no. He wants me to rely on him completly. Maybe what I can do is something that is really hard for me, maybe I cant trust that the Lord is going to bring supporters to help these children. I need to rely on him and know that I cant always do that tangible thing. Also I know awareness is the first step to take action. I am on the front lines and I feel honored to be the one to hear these stories but I need to bring awareness so something can be done.
So I am asking you for help. If you feel like you want to be apart of something big praying would be great! Pray that children in Cambodia arent overlooked anymore, pray that they have somebody come into there lives that love them, and pray that they arent forgotten anymore. Also if you feel touched to give find an organization that helps give these children a better life. If you need direction send me an email and I would love to get you in touch with somebody. But know the Lord is enough and if he puts something on your heart you have to fight hard for it. He will make a way.
