” Then you will know the truth
and the truth and the truth will set you free.”–John 8:32
On the race, our squad (G squad) was known as squad “FREEDOM”–whoot, whoot! I couldn’t tell you the exact story behind this label or nickname, but at some point, this is how we became known around the AIM office. A good portion of our time in debrief on the race was spent being set free and being taught to claim the freedom and victory we have in Christ over our own lives as well as the lives of those we encountered in ministry. Being in the community of fellow racers, this proclamation of victory was often made for me by my brothers and sisters in Christ when I couldn’t make it for myself. The Lord recently reminded me of the importance and need to claim these things over my life.
The last several days have been a challenge for me. Since the day after Christmas, the Lord has been really tugging on my heart. As I’ve drawn near to Him, He has begun revealing to me that there are some “weeds from the past” if you will, that have found a home and rooted themselves deep in my heart. The Lord has been revealing my need to allow Him to dig deep to the root of these weeds and let Him exterminate them there. I began to sense that this process was going to hurt, and began resisting Him, in fear. This isn’t the first time I’ve resisted His attempts to pull out some of these weeds. I resisted His attempts on the race, and He didn’t fight me. However, recently, I’ve been hearing Him whisper, “It is time” and quite frankly, I’m exhausted of fighting.
These weeds seem to wrap themselves tightly around on my heart and in the process I lose sight of my identity in Christ and the victory I have been given in Him. I know, deep down that this is an attack of the enemy but in the weakness of my flesh I choose to listen to his lies instead of the truth that has been spoken over my life before.
Those of you who know me know that the Lord often speaks to me through music. I can be in the midst of worship and moved to tears because the Lord is revealing Himself to me in a song. That happened today as I was riding home from brunch with my family. The last several days I have been praying that the Lord would take me to those hard places–that He would continue to show me where I needed to go in order to break free from these past hurts, these weeds that bind my heart and hold me down. In His faithfulness, He’s taken me there, and it has been painful.
Despite the fact that I’ve asked Him to take me to the places that hurt, I’ve found myself frustrated with the Lord because I wanted or expected the process to look different than it has. I wanted it to be quick and easy but instead it’s been long and hard. I know in my heart that my feelings towards God aren’t justified, but I they have been welling up anyway. This peaked in church this morning during worship. I forced myself to raise my hands in surrender anyway to glorify the King, but my heart was still filled with hurt and frustration. You see, I was blaming the Lord, even resenting Him for what I was feeling, although the hurt is a result of the world and it’s brokenness and some of the decisions I made when I was not walking closely with God. In addition to my frustration with the Lord, I was frustrated with myself–frustrated that I was taking this out on the Him, know it is not something I’m supposed to do. After all, what has the Lord ever done to hurt me?!–Nothing! And to make matters even more complicated, in the midst of this mess, He LOVES me.
So, as I got into my car after brunch, I turned on the radio and heard an old, familiar song. But this time, the words hit me hard–harder than ever before:
The last several days have been a challenge for me. Since the day after Christmas, the Lord has been really tugging on my heart. As I’ve drawn near to Him, He has begun revealing to me that there are some “weeds from the past” if you will, that have found a home and rooted themselves deep in my heart. The Lord has been revealing my need to allow Him to dig deep to the root of these weeds and let Him exterminate them there. I began to sense that this process was going to hurt, and began resisting Him, in fear. This isn’t the first time I’ve resisted His attempts to pull out some of these weeds. I resisted His attempts on the race, and He didn’t fight me. However, recently, I’ve been hearing Him whisper, “It is time” and quite frankly, I’m exhausted of fighting.
These weeds seem to wrap themselves tightly around on my heart and in the process I lose sight of my identity in Christ and the victory I have been given in Him. I know, deep down that this is an attack of the enemy but in the weakness of my flesh I choose to listen to his lies instead of the truth that has been spoken over my life before.
Those of you who know me know that the Lord often speaks to me through music. I can be in the midst of worship and moved to tears because the Lord is revealing Himself to me in a song. That happened today as I was riding home from brunch with my family. The last several days I have been praying that the Lord would take me to those hard places–that He would continue to show me where I needed to go in order to break free from these past hurts, these weeds that bind my heart and hold me down. In His faithfulness, He’s taken me there, and it has been painful.
Despite the fact that I’ve asked Him to take me to the places that hurt, I’ve found myself frustrated with the Lord because I wanted or expected the process to look different than it has. I wanted it to be quick and easy but instead it’s been long and hard. I know in my heart that my feelings towards God aren’t justified, but I they have been welling up anyway. This peaked in church this morning during worship. I forced myself to raise my hands in surrender anyway to glorify the King, but my heart was still filled with hurt and frustration. You see, I was blaming the Lord, even resenting Him for what I was feeling, although the hurt is a result of the world and it’s brokenness and some of the decisions I made when I was not walking closely with God. In addition to my frustration with the Lord, I was frustrated with myself–frustrated that I was taking this out on the Him, know it is not something I’m supposed to do. After all, what has the Lord ever done to hurt me?!–Nothing! And to make matters even more complicated, in the midst of this mess, He LOVES me.
So, as I got into my car after brunch, I turned on the radio and heard an old, familiar song. But this time, the words hit me hard–harder than ever before:
Here I am Lord,
And I’m drowning
In a sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind,
Keeps me awake tonight
And I’m drowning
In a sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind,
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before you now as,
As though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
Jesus can you show me
Just how far the east is from the west
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest,
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other.
I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again your truth is drowned out
By the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away,
From you leaving me this way
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again your truth is drowned out
By the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away,
From you leaving me this way
Jesus can you show me,
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
’cause you know
Just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other.
I know you’ve washed me white,
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through,
To get me through this night
Can’t live by what I feel
But by the Truth your work reveals,
I’m not holding on to you
But you’re holding on to me,
You’re holding on to me
Jesus you know
Just how far the East is from the West
I don’t have to see the man I’ve been,
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
’cause you know just how far the East is form the West,
From one scarred hand to the other.
Sometimes in the midst of pain and hurt, I forget about the REDEMPTION I have in Christ. I forget that I am covered in the blood of my Savior and that I am FREE and CLEAN in the eyes of the Lord. Christ took on this bondage that I have been living in when He was hung on the cross at Calvary and He BROKE those very chains when He rose from the dead on Easter Sunday! The weeds take root in my heart and remain there ONLY because I allow them to. Just as I have a choice to take up my cross daily and follow Him, I have a choice to walk FREE because of the victory HE claimed for me–the same is is true for YOU!
As we step into a New Year, I think it’s important to remind ourselves of the truths that we have in Christ and to make a habit of claiming these truths over our lives and the lives of one another. Will you join me and claim FREEDOM over OUR lives again?!
I pray, Lord God, that we would not forget this freedom we’ve found in you. I pray too that we would share this freedom with our friends, family and even strangers in our lives. May we see this VICTORY take root in our own lives and claim the lives of others for your Kingdom! I ask all these things in Jesus’ name…Amen.
As we step into a New Year, I think it’s important to remind ourselves of the truths that we have in Christ and to make a habit of claiming these truths over our lives and the lives of one another. Will you join me and claim FREEDOM over OUR lives again?!
I pray, Lord God, that we would not forget this freedom we’ve found in you. I pray too that we would share this freedom with our friends, family and even strangers in our lives. May we see this VICTORY take root in our own lives and claim the lives of others for your Kingdom! I ask all these things in Jesus’ name…Amen.
