I have met the love of my life here in Grenada, Nicaragua! I have never been so excited! I KNOW without any shadow of a doubt this is the man I am meant to spend the rest of my life with! He is tall, dark, and handsome…. a strong protector, loves my soul deeply, and he has pursued me passionately my entire life. He is everything I never knew I wanted or needed. But don't worry, you can have a boyfriend just like him too! Actually, his love is endless so you can have him with me. Maybe you have heard about him already? His name is Jesus Christ.
You may just randomly be reading this blog and if so, THANK YOU! But if you know me, you likely know I have been pretty much an expert at screwing up all the romantic relationships in my life. And even then, screwing them up more than you have any idea about. I have had a season of singleness the last 2 years and basically have considered that a punishment for my past mistakes until God would say I am finally worthy and ready to be in a new relationship with the right man. But during this period of debriefing so many things have been brought to light for me about the love of God. And things from my past I have suppressed that were actually putting up a wall between me and God have finally come crashing down as His love has engulfed me. We had a time here of confessing our past hurts and sins to one another so the enemy could no longer have a stronghold on us there and freedom has come into the squad! It has been an incredible thing to witness. And in this new process I have come to realize that God was not punishing me at all- He simply wanted me all to Himself for a while. If we can't give and receive love with God, how can we expect to do it with another imperfect person?
So Jesus and I went on a date yesterday. Yes we were surrounded by 50 other people but at the same time Jesus and I took our own little boat ride touring some islands around Lake Nicaragua (beautiful, by the way- check my facebook for pictures soon). When I saw a really gorgeous flower, I thanked Him for making it just for me. As I enjoyed the relaxing breeze in my face, I pictured Him kicked up in the seat beside me enjoying the sunshine right along with me. Spending quality time with me because He loves me that much and so desires my heart and also my time. I struggled for so long, believing always that God is good and worthy of my worship and my obedience, but feeling totally in love with Him has been missing for way too long. He reaffirmed in me that His love has always been inside me by suddenly overwhelming me with a new and deep love for each of my team mates. This started when we first arrived here as I had really been praying to feel more in love with God. At first I made no connection that it was the beginning of answering my prayer, and I just wondered why I suddenly felt such rooted love for my team. Then when searching for scripture on love at the advice of my leader the Holy Spirit took me to 1 John where I came across truths like in 4:12 "… but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." With that realization, it was like a light bulb went off in my soul- oh that is why I am so in love with my team, God is answering my prayer! So why don't I really feel it for Him? Then we had our sharing circle that night and all the buried things that were blocking off my funnel for God to rain his love down on me were cleansed out and it has been an amazing journey to process.
I realize this may make no sense as I am still pondering these things in my heart. But just know this friends, God is always good and truly loves you. We can build a wall around ourselves, but He is still always there, just waiting for you to step out…. Step out into His warm embrace. He loves you like no other and he more than able to meet your every need and desire. Even in the memory of the darkest time of your life, He was there weeping with you, yearning for the day you would be all His.
"For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." 1 Colossians 1:13-14
