All month long my team has been visiting a church under construction in a Romanian village. Everyday for a few hours we prayed for the ministry; we’ve prayed for people to come to the church, for healing in neighbor’s lives, for goats to be cheap, for pigeons to sell and for the money and workers to come to install heat for the winter. The church itself was always cold and concrete but we prayed through.
Now, it’s the last week of ministry and today is the first snow of the season and were enjoying the heat that we prayed for to come!
It’s still a bit chilly in the church so I lean up against a heater and stare out the window, partly because I’m not sure if I can pray any longer today and partly because I’m always very likely to be entranced by anything that falls from the sky.
I’ve been reading and hearing about all these strange happenings in America; games like Knockout where teens go up to strangers and hit them or learning about a petition for fourth term abortion where parents can decide up to age three whether or not the child should be alive leave me questioning what exactly am I going home to? I understand that these events don’t define America or our generation but stories like these are frequenting my news feed more than I’m used to or comfortable with and I have to wonder if we as people even know the worth of a human life.
I know I didn’t and sometimes I still forget. I used to absolutely hate the humanness of people. I used to hate how messy life got or how hurt people hurt people. I used to hate the selfishness and pride in people. I used to think, yeah it sucks when people die but we all move on, it sucks when people betray each other but life moves on. I used to stare up at the sky and think we are so small and insignificant, there is no point to us, we will all die in the dirt. I know, this is a bit morbid and depressing but this is where my mind used to go and as I watched the snow fall I found myself going there again. We are so rotten, why in the world would God send His perfect Son to die for our sins? Is this what I believe? It’s such nonsense.. It does not make sense.
I suddenly felt lost again but the confusion was instantly replaced by God’s gentle whisper,
“Exactly”.
I didn’t understand and I thought oh, this must be one of those ‘we can’t understand God’ things, but at the moment, I was not satisfied with that answer.
“Exactly?” I asked.
Exactly.
We are not worth it. We are fallen people. We are born in sin and we will sin. .. And we probably will not understand the worth of a human life but God sees worth in us whether we do or not. He created each of us and loves us. It doesn’t make sense and yes, we won’t understand but it doesn’t really matter as much as the simple fact that He chose us and it makes sense to Him. He already knew what we would do and how we would try to fill the void in our hearts caused by sin (which if you didn’t know separates us from Him) but He still loves us.
Know Jesus already died for your sins, no sin is too big to be forgiven. No problem or question is too great for Him to answer. Repent and accept Him as your savior. He doesn’t need these things from you but you need it from Him.
You might be thinking, you’re on month 11 of your race and you’re thinking about this now? I know this is basic Christian stuff but today, He made it real to me again. A lot of you grew up hearing this or have at least heard about Christ’s love but do you really understand what it means? I challenge you to search for truth. And for those who don’t know and want to know, just ask. Ask and it will be given to you..(Matt 7:7).
Today I wrestled with God and He renewed my spirit.
