Over the past two months, God has been revealing a singular fact to me through His voice and through other people. I have been hearing the Holy Spirit in ways that I never have before. He shows me words and pictures and I can feel Him in my gut. I know that He is there and that He is speaking to me.
Monday night, I was listening to one of my teammates share the things that she had been struggling with. I listened to the Holy Spirit and gave her some counsel about the issue. Later that night, she gave me feedback and told me that she really thinks that I listen to the Holy Spirit before I speak and give people wise and thoughtful advice. This absolutely blew me away. For so long, I remember looking up to older Christian girls in college and watching how they delivered such deliberate and inspirational words and thinking that I would never be that mature. My emotions had ruled me and I would give advice based on my own feelings instead of what the Holy Spirit was guiding me to say. However, I can finally feel myself maturing in my walk with Christ. I can give counsel knowing that it is His words and not my own. I can be one of those girls that I looked up to for so long.
Even though I know that I am being molded into the woman that God has wanted so long for me to step into, I still struggle with feeling worthy. Tuesday night, I was worshipping under the stars with my squad and God was revealing past wounds that hadn’t healed yet. In college, there were certain girls that I felt like were condemning me for “not being Christian enough”. I went to church and had a personal relationship with Christ however I wasn’t holy enough to be included in their community. I felt like an outsider who was in between the church girls and the party girls. The church girls would always keep me at an arm’s distance instead of pulling me into a deeper relationship that I so desired. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of their love because of my past mistakes.
These were lies that I let rule my college experience. I had an amazing group of friends senior year but even with them I didn’t share my struggles or my vulnerabilities. I was afraid that if they saw the true me that they would think I wasn’t worthy enough to be part of their group just as the other girls had. I just wanted to feel like I was enough.
God has been revealing to me that I am worthy of His love. Yes, I am a sinner and yes, I make mistakes daily but his love for me is UNCONDITIONAL. It will not waver based on if I pray all day or go out to have a drink with my friends. He loved me enough to die for me so why should I ever feel like I am not worthy of Him? God is healing those past wounds in my heart and is teaching me to have forgiveness and grace. My heart is happy because I know that through my past suffering I can better share the love of Christ with others.
Are you someone who is casting others to the outside because their lifestyle may not align with yours? I would just encourage you to pull them in and show them that they are worthy of being loved. They are also a child of the King. It may help them into experiencing a deeper intimacy with Christ. Are you the one who is on the outside and are feeling unworthy? Just know that God loves you so much and there is nothing that you can do to change the way He feels about you. He gave His life so that your sins would be covered and you would never have to be separated from Him and His love. Just know that whatever you have done in your past or are doing now, it doesn’t matter. No sin is too bad for God. Just bring it to the light and let Him love on you. You are worthy.
I am worthy.
Ciao from Peru,
Jessica
