We currently have a layover in the Phillippines so I decided that I would let you into my thoughts.
Yesterday, we had a layover in Dallas on our way to Asia. My parents and best friends, Kendra and Madison, drove down to see me. I was able to swallow them up in big hugs and tell them I love them. We sat down on the leather couches in the airport lobby and I told them about my past four months. I told them about the cold showers. I told them about repelling down a 100 foot waterfall. I told them about sleeping in a tiny bedroom with seven other girls but I didn’t talk about God at all. I didn’t tell them about what Christ did in and through me during my time spent in South America…
I blew it.
The guilt I felt as I was looking out the plane window was overwhelming. Why didn’t I tell them about all the miracles I had seen and the prophecies He had shown me? Why didn’t I tell them about about His overwhelming love and peace? I didn’t talk about Him nearly at all. I didn’t even pray over them before they left. Why is it so easy for me to include Christ in my conversations on the Race with other believers who are constantly doing it but so difficult around my family and friends? Why do I fall back into my old ways of thinking and speaking when I am around them?
I started to talk to Jesus about everything I was feeling and just like always He showered me with His grace. He told me that I am just starting to learn how to walk in the Spirit everyday. He said that I am going to be able to go home and include Him in everything but building our relationship takes time. He also said that He looks the strongest when I’m at my weakest.
I don’t want to go home yet. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I have matured so much in my relationship with Christ but I still have a ways to go. I want to change. I want to be transformed. I finally want to die to self so that He can fully live through me. I’m ready.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives within me.”-Galatians 2:20
