Yesterday was our last day working with the first and second graders and I am completely heartbroken. As we watched the kids walk out the front door my teammates all looked at my awkward “I’m not going to cry” face and lovingly said let it out. We didn’t know if we should have told them it was our last day and never really discussed it before hand and quickly regretted that we didn’t as we watched them walk away. We said our last good-byes as they were saying their “see you laters”.
When you apply for the World Race there is so much excitement that runs through you; all the amazing places you’re going to see, the beautiful people of God’s Kingdom you’re going to meet, the awesome adventure days you’ll have, the ministry you get to participate in, the list goes on and on. But, what is forgotten to be considered is how many times your heart is truly going to break. I’m not talking about “oh thats so sad” break, no I’m talking about punched in the gut cry your eyes out a piece of me is being left behind heartbreak. Each time it will look different but, I can promise you it will happen at least 11 times.
I cried leaving the villages of India because of the little hope we saw. I cried leaving Nepal because I didn’t want the Spiritual Journey Jesus took me on to end. This month I will have to be dragged onto the bus to Cambodia, kicking and screaming that I just want to stay here because I’m not ready to say “goodbye forever” to these amazing kids. Each captured my heart in a different way, each has their own unique characteristics that reflect Christ and they have no idea who He is, each is yearning for love I was so willing to give . . . and now when they walk back through those doors Tuesday morning we won’t be there to greet them with smiles and hugs and we will have to absorb the heartbreak we left them with too.
For the first time I was questioning if I could emotionally handle the rest of this year. How can I continue opening my heart to love knowing it would be shattered yet again in just a short few weeks? Then a teammate reminded me of what our host had said to us . . . God placed all of these children in this program. This may be a creative access country, we may not be able to outwardly tell them Jesus loves them; but, they can feel the difference from us and they will ask questions. Each one of these children will be brought to the Lord in His timing, if its not through us or along side of us He will send others. Understanding that gives me so much hope and mends pieces of my heart back together, knowing goodbye truly is a see you again . . . where we can spend an eternity laughing and reminiscing on “that month in Nam”.
