Coming into this month I was feeling really overwhelmed and anxious. I could feel how short my fuse was, I was quickly frustrated, I wasn’t even sure what was bothering me, and my attitude totally reflected it.
Sitting down and processing through journaling has been how I’ve been hearing God most the past 3 months; and I do that best when I’m alone. On the Race however, alone time is sometimes hard to come by.
When I’m left to my own thoughts for too long with out God’s interference of peace, I quickly feel like I’m suffocating and shut myself off from those around me. I knew I needed time to let God speak into what I was feeling but I didn’t know when I’d have the time “I needed”.
God can speak to us through the strangest things sometimes.
But, He always comes through.
While I was weeding with Irina, she received a phone call and walked away, so I was left alone to concentrate on the task at hand. As my attention became more intentional on pulling these stubborn weeds from the ground I began asking God, “Why do we spend so much time pulling these pesky things out when we have to come back and do it all over again?”
Have you ever realized no matter how meticulous you are when you are working in your garden some of the weed’s roots just won’t come up? You pull and and you pull but they are so well rooted in the soil that you eventually just give up and move on to the easier ones.Then a few weeks go by and it is time to beautify and pull weeds all over again, but this time the one you fought with last time comes out with less force (que small celebration dance). You’re feeling good you got that stubborn sucker out and nothing will get you down. However, there is a new deeply rooted weed you spend a half hour yanking out because your pride won’t let you lose the high you’re riding from the earlier victory.
This my friends, is our spiritual journey with God.
Our sin, our past experiences, our fears … all of these things are weeds in the garden of our life. Just because we spent time with God in prayer about something, doesn’t mean it is gone for good. There are some things that are so deeply rooted within us that He gives us a break and when the time is right He leads us back to it to tug some more and loosen it from the soil.
So here I was facing built up frustration and anxiety again. Instead of realizing it was time to tend to the garden, I blindly am asking God why I’m dealing with this still. I had taken the leap off the cliff of vulnerability, I had been expressing my emotions and processing . . . but then He stopped me and asked, “But have you continued?”
Turns out I stopped yanking on those roots and gave up to move on to easier ones. In the process the roots regained grip in the soil and I had climbed back up to safety where I wasn’t expressing myself or the things I was facing. I was trying to do it alone once again and caught in the middle of it all with no outlet.
God gives us the tools. We have shovels to dig to the soil under the roots to get them out; we have weed killer; we have gloves to protect our hands; and shears to cut through thick roots to make it easier. However, I didn’t want to make a stop in the shed before heading out to do yard work and made things a lot harder on myself.
Thinking about this, I picture God smiling as a parent does with a toddler attempting to do something they need their parent’s help with. Wanting to do what their parents can do to be a “big girl” they’ll attempt to do something out of their abilities. Just as a parent will stand there watching them and cheering them on in love, when they know they will have to eventually step in because the kids can’t actually do it with out their parent’s help. God allows us to try it our way. He gives us that freedom and stands next to us cheering us on because He loves us and doesn’t want to see us get hurt. He never leaves our side though because He knows the time will come when He needs to step in and help His child do what is out of their capability alone.
