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This blog may be a long time in coming but the experience is something I have no clue how to discuss.  I wrote my raw thoughts about the experience the night after and have wrestled with how to transform that into a blog.  I don’t know that there is much of a transformation in what you are about to read from what I originally wrote, but I guess now I am ready to be vulnerable enough to share the story via blog.  Here were my thoughts:

I have no idea how I’ll find the strength for the year.  I’m praying for God’s grace & provision in that area.  It’s such a challenge at this point.   God has His reasons for wanting me here at this place in time.  I don’t know how I could do it without Him.  Last night was one of the most humbling experiences of my life.  I stayed in a place similar to the poverty I saw this summer in the slums of Cambodia.  We literally hiked up the mountain & over to the other side where we found a wood shack that has such huge gaping holes-some of which are covered with cardboard-most are not.  At least there is a tin roof overhead.  Further over the mountain, you can hike to get to the church building. 

Since we weren’t actually needed to help with the electricity (that was done by local contractors who did a bang up job), we played with the pastor’s kids-there were 8 of them (4 boys then 4 girls) while the women cooked lunch & dinner.  The young boys carried our packs up the STEEP mountain and the packs probably weighed every bit as much as they did.  It was crazy. They are so tough. 
 
The children don’t all have shoes.  The living room is the dining room is the bedroom with a dirt floor. There are 3 wire beds with a thin covering on them more like a sheet than a quilt.  All 8 kids share the beds.  They do have more beds in the church that they gave up for us to sleep on so they may use more than the 3 on a regular basis. The only other room in the house is he kitchen where they make a fire to cook and there is no plumbing.  They collect rain water various places & use that as their water-to drink, wash with, etc.  There is a tiny storage space “upstairs” for pots, etc.  You climb up notches on a tree trunk to access the storage shelf.  Ducks, chickens, dogs & a cat all live together & walk in & through the house while you are eating.  The entire forest is available as their bathroom.  Near the church there is a more formal bathroom.  There
is a 5 1/2 foot tall shelter build with sticks & a cement floor with a plastic wrap around all the sides except for the opening which was covered by a sheet.  There was a cement urn like structure in the middle of the small spider covered structure.  We all used just about every ounce of kleenex we brought with us since toilet paper was a non-existent luxury. 
 
outside with the kids……………………………………the main room…………………………………….the ladder
 
That night, we slept like puppies lined up in the church building with our mosquito nets covering us as we slept on the dirt floor.  The rain fell most of the night & made the trail pretty trecherous.  But early the next morning, the boys cut fresh grass, twigs, leaves, foliage to help provide greater footing on the muddy slopes.  The most humbling part is how generous they were with us.  They gave us fresca (sugar water) to drink. They made corn tortillas by hand (you literally start with the husk & do it all by hand) and beans.  For dinner we ate one of the hens, one of the roosters & one of the ducks.  They asked us if we wanted the honor of killing the animals for the meal.  Many of the kids walk barefoot through the animal droppings & where the animal blood spilled for the meal.  It is crazy.  They fed all of us HUGE portions while all the kids sat on the bed & played & talked with each other quietly.  They all shared the remnants we had left after we were done.  It was so humbling.  I cannot live like this-I don’t understand it.  I mean, I did it for the night & was so humbled. But this is nuts.  They are so joyful & amazing.  They were so excited for us to come & to be able to bless us with what God’s provided them.  The pastor & his wife were so proud of their home because before that they only had a bed & a plastic tarp to cover with.  So this is a major blessing for them to have any type of house. 
 
church with dirt floor…………………….lunch of beans & tortillas……………………..rooster stew
 
We enjoyed helping them sew together a thin quilt.  We also blessed them with some of our team budget to send the 5 children old enough to school for the year.  They were all in tears & prayed so much over us. I just cannot imagine living like this day in & day out.  The kids were the most amazing.  They obeyed their parents & helped out tremendously.  They were sweet, cute, humble, shy, helpful, obedient, precious. 
 

I am left thinking how on earth can I do 46 more weeks???  I have not slept well & I am challenged in believing satan’s lies that I don’t have any value or strength.  I want to come home & live my comfortable American life.  It’s true & I’m ashamed to admit it.  I want to be willing/able to sacrifice it all for the Lord, but right now I really don’t know how to push through the discomfort & akwardness for the year. This is a great growing experience & certainly painful as I’d expected but even more than I really expected/hoped.  If we’d had our tents it could have been a touch better but then we felt ashamed that with our tents we have a finer accommodation than they are used to with their house.  We left some of our supplies at our host’s house across the country.  We’ll return there in a couple of weeks. 

UPDATE: We’ve been richly blessed with many experiences this month and this was such a valuable one especially in the discomfort of it all.  It is humbling to live alongside this family and to sleep in a warm sleeping bag while their children are covered in scraps of clothing sewn together.  My heart breaks and wants to help much more than I am able.  I do know I can share love & hope with others along with financial provision as well.  I am reminded of the verse that talks about the person who says to the hungry, cold man “be warmed and filled”. I know it has been a blessing to do more than that but I am also touched deeply by the overwhelming generosity of joy and provision lavished upon me by someone in desparate need. It challenges me to become a better person with even more gratitude and willingness to share.  I am sure I’ve got a long way to go still, but I know God’s not through with me yet.  I am still a work in progress, grateful for His never-ending grace and mercy and love.