January of 2012 was a pivotal time in my life. It was the first time I fought for myself and what I wanted. After nearly losing my job, I made it to the third part of an emotional intelligence program I had been attending. During the weekend, we were led through a vision process of our own personal special places. At first my mind shot to Haiti, but as I pictured the compound I had stayed at, I knew it wasn't right. Where I ended up not only blew my mind but everyone else's too.
I was standing in an alley in India. Behind me was a busy street and in front of me were two brick buildings framing the alley. The building on the right had graffiti in swirling colors of red, green, yellow, and white, but I couldn't make out the picture. At the end of the alley was a dumpster and in between it and me were little children playing. The sun was beating down on my back and I could feel sweat beginning to roll. It smelled like raw sewage, smog, and fish. This was my special place. As I listened to everyone else describe their special place, I realized mine was unusual. Most of the people described being on the beach, a mountain, or in their dream home.
Sometime in the next few months, I applied for a mission trip to India through a campus ministry I was involved with. I had been itching to go on another overseas mission trip since I returned from Haiti. I was excited at the possibilities of spending six weeks in India and what would happen. Through the interview process, I wondered if I would even get accepted (much like I thought while going through the World Race one). I continued to wonder until I got the email saying I hadn't been accepted.
Total failure. Who gets rejected from a mission trip?
At first, I knew I had to give myself some grace. I couldn't afford to go on a downward spiral because of this when I had been working so hard on my mental health. I texted one of my Bible study leaders to tell her about the rejection and that I wouldn't be at Bible study that night. I knew I needed some time to breathe, away from other people. The conversation we ended up having via texting was very hurtful and damaging to me, especially at such a vulnerable time. I tried to rectify things and transferred my application to another summer mission trip, based on advice from my Bible study leader and the leaders of the India trip. It didn't make sense to me why another place would take me instead, so I wasn't surprised when I got rejected from it too.
India never left my heart though. When I applied for the race, I prayed a lot that India wouldn't get taken off our route. It is the country I'm most excited for because of everything I've just described. At training camp, God expounded upon my special place vision. He explained to me what the graffiti meant and I could see him walking along the rooftop of one of the buildings; it was amazing. India is Gods promise to me and in a mere twenty days, Ill be there. There's only one thing stopping me this time. It's not my mental health or Christian leaders telling me no.
Its $600 and that's it. If you can help fulfill Gods promise to me, please click on the Support Me link on the left-hand side of my blog. All I want is to make it to India and find my special place.
And I know God's not done with me yet.
