With graduation drawing nearer, the only question I’m asked more than, “Are you excited about graduating?” is “How’s fundraising going?” I don’t get asked this on just a weekly basis, it’s usually daily. So you’re probably wondering what the answer is, right? I’m going to backtrack to answer this.
Once upon a time I went to Haiti and had to raise $1,200. Seems like a dime compared to the $15,500 I’m currently raising, but it wasn’t at all. I sent out about thirty support letters (more than we were required) and only raised about $400. Without the church I was going through and the chapel at my school, I wouldn’t have raised enough. I suppose the point is that I did raise enough in the end, but this memory was a huge barrier to me accepting my acceptance to the World Race. I surely wouldn’t be able to raise $15,500 if I couldn’t even raise $1,200….or could I?
Right now, I’ve raised about $4,300 which totally blows me away. I’m ahead of the timeline and have faith that I will meet my second deadline which decides if I launch in July or not. After that, my faith waivers. I’m not sure I’ll ever be fully funded. Recently, I’ve realized I feel like I’m constantly husslin’ and have worked really hard to get what I do have. That is not supposed to be the point at all. This experience should be growing my faith, increasing my reliance upon the Lord, but it’s not. I’m ever aware that I still have so much farther to go and I spend my spare moments crunching numbers in my head.
I need to get out of God’s way. I need to let Him come through for me, but that’s scary…because what if he doesn’t? I know that He’s able, but at this point I don’t know if I need to back off or push harder. Both require vulnerability and risk, but one leaves me in control and one releases the reigns. Last night God hand-picked and delivered a song to me in worship that holds the answer for me.
“Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great.”
I need to fearlessly trust God’s going to come through on MY behalf and that He is FOR me, so I think I’ll be taking a break from actively fundraising and checking my support account.
