Being wide awake at
2:30 a.m. with nothing to do gave me the opportunity to write one of the blogs
that has been floating around my brain for the past couple days.
When I signed up for the Race I expected sacrifice; it
almost seemed to be the driving force. Give up everything. Let go of your
possessions. Leave behind your friends and family. Give up control. Give up on ever
knowing whats going to happen. What I didn’t expect was what Id actually be
giving up. Being away from home isn’t hard; I’ve done that for four years. Im
used to going like five months without seeing my best friends. The problem is
that I havent been away from Tulsa for more than a couple months and that is
where the first sacrifice has come. Being away from that home is way harder. I
built a huge community of support around me over those four years and while it
changed from year to year, there were definitely some constants. I love them
people, a lot and it sucks to not be able to meet up at one of my favorite
coffee shops and just talk about life. Phone chats just aren’t the same.
Next came an offer straight off my bucket list: a color
guard instructor position. I didn’t even apply for this job, I was recommended
for it by someone else. Color guard has been a part of my life for the past
seven years and Id love to keep it, but I dont know that there will be
another opening in a year. One day, Ill make it happen, but its so ironic
that I would be offered a job at the only point in my life that I would have to
decline.
Now the third may sound a little silly, but it solidified
the whole picture of my dream life. I love cats; they are stinkin adorable. A
friend of mine has two teeny kittens shes trying to get rid of. Id take one
in a heartbeat if I wasn’t leaving in three weeks but alas, my dreams are
thwarted again by the Race.
Wait. What did I sign up for? I thought I signed up for my
dream, not to see them all just out of my reach. Most of all what I think Im
sacrificing is any normalcy in my life ever again. I’ve seen how people come
off the field and they are not the same person. They are not like the rest of
us anymore; theyre different. There is something special about them. Sure,
that sounds pretty magical, but what happens to the life I wanted? Is this
really what I want?
Besides questioning my competency to be a racer, I havent doubted
whether or not to go on the Race. I am committed and excited for what is
coming, but I am becoming more and more aware of the sacrifice thats coming.
Just before writing this blog I was reading Daring
Greatly by Brene Brown and stumbled across this gem, He explained that in
its original Latin form, sacrifice means to make sacred or to make holy. I wholeheartedly
believe that when we are fully engaged in parenting the Race, regardless
of how imperfect, vulnerable, and messy it is, we are creating something sacred.
Boom.
So heres to this imperfect, vulnerable mess Im about to
step into. Lets create something sacred!
