This is part 2 of my blog Lost Innocence. Catch up by reading part 1 here.
To my journal I went to process the day; my feelings were overwhelming. I was upset, confused, and disheartened.
Hearing the statistics and the facts about sex trafficking were insane. Basically all girls were abused as children and see themselves as worthless. The guy described it as feeling the guiltiest you’ve ever felt and living like that for years. I get that- whole-heartedly, so why am I going to be stuck in the coffee shop? Is there a girl who works here who needs to hear my story? Will there be a customer who comes in that I need to talk to? I don’t know Jesus; I don’t know.
That’s where I ended my journal entry. Every month it comes back to trusting God and every month I think I’ve gotten better until something else comes along and shows me it’s still a struggle. I love seeing God’s redeeming work and it made sense to me that bar ministry was a perfect way to bring my life full circle. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem that was His plan; He had something else in the works.
The next morning I woke up for my first shift in the coffee shop. It was early and I was still processing what had happened the day before. About half-way through the shift I knew I was in the right place. The girls who work in the shop are wonderful and goofy. They are such a joy to be around and ministry is easy with them. Our team had still been looking for a way to be involved with bar ministry, but after a couple days in the café we loved where we were. One of our teammates switched ministries with someone from another team and everything seemed to be settled. I gave up bar ministry and accepted where I was placed.
About a week after that brutally honest journal entry, our team leader asked the girls on my team if we’d be interested in doing bar ministry alongside the café. With the rule of two girls going out for every one guy, the girls were getting burnt out and the guys were scarcely getting to go out at all. Immediately, the other two girls on my team said no. I wanted to pray about it before I made my decision, so off to a place of solitude with my bible, journal, and iPod I went. I came out of my time with a yes, until I saw a no.
Two nights later I was going out for my first night of bar ministry. Anna, Greg, and I stood in the Red Light District discussing which bar to go to. The Carnival bar was dead, but we decided to enter anyway in hopes of having the girls to ourselves. Greg and I set up for a game of pool and invited two Thai girls to play with us. I was bent over the table, pool stick in hand when I saw it: my Thai partner had just signed the word for friend to Anna. Walking over to them I responded to her question in sign. Her eyes lit up and she asked me my name.
It was then I realized God had planned for ALL of this to happen. He had proven himself faithful yet again.
The rest of the night I racked my brain for any signs I could remember from my class a year ago. With broken sign I was able to learn part of her story. With no knowledge of how to say I was a missionary or volunteer, I pointed to the cross tattoo on my finger when she asked me where I worked. We continued to play pool for the rest of the night with my new friend helping me the whole way. I cannot explain it but to say I am only good at pool when I play with her. It may sound funny, but God makes me better at pool in order for me to connect with her.
He works in the most mysterious ways and I am (still) learning to trust those ways.
