For
two nights I prayed for a shooting star. I was sleeping in my hammock and
thought surely I would see one. I wasn’t trying to twist Gods arm; I just
wanted a tangible representation of His love for me. I know in my mind how much
God loves me because my life wouldn’t make sense without it. His love makes all
things okay and I’ve always held on to that, but I wanted to experience it. I
had felt so distant from God, like I couldn’t hear anything. Two nights passed
and I never see a shooting star, though I heard other people exclaim when they
saw one.
Sunday morning rolled around and I was frustrated with myself and God about a number of things. I still hadn’t seen a shooting star and I got so frustrated during worship that I sat outside on the porch for the whole sermon. I talked through what was
going on with a couple people which significantly helped but somewhat furthered
my frustration too. I just couldn’t figure out what else I could possibly do. My Sunday ended up being wonderful though, after such a rocky morning. Chelsea, Shannon, and I walked to the beach which took about an hour. There was a lot of
blackberry picking and good conversation on our walk.
When we finally arrived at the beach, I was elated. The hot sand burned my feet as I ran to the water. It was cool and I laid
there floating with my eyes closed. My conversations all day (and all month)
have been about God’s love. As I reflected on the conversation, I thought about
being held by God. Floating in the cool water, I felt like I was lying in Gods
enormous arms. I basked in the glory of that moment: sun shining down, arms and
legs sprawled out, drifting in the cool water. Total freedom. Then the waves came. I kept my
eyes closed as water swirled around my head. Even when the waters rage, you can trust me. The advice my team leader gave me before I left for the beach was just to rest in His goodness. In that moment, there was no way I couldn’t. I was floored (but not literally since I was floating).
After
the beach, Chelsea and I went to the convenience store down the road for ice
cream and then did more blackberry picking. We talked about being more aware of
the ways God loves me each day. At worship later that night, we sang a song which
fit perfectly: Let us become more aware
of Your presence. Let us experience the glory of Your goodness. God was talking to me again; He had heard my prayers. I hadn’t realized until yesterday how important it is to me to feel heard by God. I knew I struggled with feeling heard in groups, but it had never occurred to me I felt the same way with God.
After worship, I went back downstairs and stood around talking to some people. My teammate and I walked over to her hammock and said goodnight. I
walked away from her hammock saying, Pray I see a shooting star! I hopped
into my hammock and laid, slightly swaying, looking up at the vast expanse of
sky. I grabbed my iPhone and headphones to listen to music while I star gazed. As
I scrolled through my music looking for David Crowder, I realized it wasn’t on my phone, but Coldplay was just at the top of my screen. Immediately, I knew I wanted to
listen to the song Yellow. It holds special sentimental value to me, but I wasn’t thinking of the lyrics when I clicked on it. As the music started, I realized
why this song was so perfect for the moment:
Look at the stars, look how
they shine for you and everything you do.
My shooting star came into view and I nearly lept out of my
hammock with excitement. Sprinting barefoot over to my teammates hammock to tell her
what happened, I was beaming. Gods love was so tangible to me in that moment and Im
beginning to understand and see how the stars shine just for me. I’ve said in my last few blogs that God speaks to me through connections and events that seem coincidental. I just never thought it was how He loved me too. How does God show YOU how much he loves you? Those stars are shining for you too.
