You can read part 1 here.
It all began when I was lounging in my hammock one day reading Blue Like Jazz. Chapter 15 appeared on my kindle screen and I flicked page after page until my eyes came across a story of Don and his friend Paul. They are up on the roof of their house smoking pipes and talking about Paul’s marriage.
“I’m saying there is stuff I can’t tell her, not because I don’t want to, but because there aren’t words. It’s like we are separate people, and there is no getting inside each other to read each other’s thoughts, each other’s beings. Marriage is amazing because it is the closest two people can get, but they can’t get all the way to that place of absolute knowing.”
Reading this conversation, I felt my heart constrict and then all of the air rush out of my lungs. If you don’t look closely at that excerpt from Blue Like Jazz, you may assume the promised land I realized was marriage, but you would assume wrong. I realized in that moment, I wanted to be known. I crave close relationships with people who will understand me. The most likely solution to that desire would be marriage, but it’s not the only one. I have deep friendships where I am known, but they’ll never know me completely.
It dawned on me this yearning is a reoccurring frustration I have, particularly on the race. When someone misjudges me or reads my intentions wrong, I get upset. I don’t like trying to explain myself, which is pretty senseless since people will never fully understand me. All of this was discouraging to realize, but it drew me right to my Comforter. And, again I was faced with the decision: Will I trust Him?
Promised Lands are a lot like the idols in our life; they are what we cling to instead of Jesus. We cling to our self-sufficiency and our pride. We cling to our desire to be known and paid attention to. We’re all clinging to something that God wants us to release our white-knuckled grip on. So what is it? What do you need to release?
