As we entered into worship singing songs to the Lord all together as a squad of 60 people, there was a question asked, "who needs something new?" I kept my eyes closed and thought about how I think I want something new, I always want something new. But I didn't know what and I didn't know what I even wanted to ask God for. I felt so out of words and just annoyed with myself. "Get over yourself" is all I could think about.
With my arms wide open praying for God to show me, teach me, give me MORE. Whatever that means. Right away I just felt like I needed KK to pray with me. She immediately said yes, and that she had been thinking about me today. We went outside where we could finally get a little breeze on our backs since the room was so hot we were sweaty just sitting there even when the fans were turned on. She asked how I was doing. I honestly couldn't respond in words. "I really am doing good, I just don't know what I feel or how to put into words how I feel." She re-assured me it is ok to not always know. (Which is something I have to remind myself daily)
KK asked who I think Christ says that I am… I know that He says I am made in His image, I am confident in Him, I am passionate, loving, patient, joyful, beautiful, I am passionate about showing others who they are in Christ. Because it is truth. I love who I am and I am happy to say that He made me the way I am for a reason and I don't want to be any other way. With that, I told KK again that I don't really have words for how I feel or what God wants me to learn or do but all I want is to scream at the top of my lungs. I feel like there is something inside of me that needs to be rocked, that I need a breath of fresh air and if I want a brand new start I need to scream!
KK knew where I was coming from and felt the same way. We ran down to the laudry room and began screaming! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! With all that I had in me. Then we began declaring the TRUTHS that God has for me and my life. For who He says that I am. We prayed, sang songs, laughed, worshiped, fought for our team and squad in prayer! For half of it I didn't even know what to pray about so that's where I relied on the spirit. After about 20 minutes of this, KK got the brilliant idea of what is more FREE than jumping in the swimming pool?!
This is when things got real and crazy at the same time.
We ran to the pool while everyone was upstairs in worship still. With our clothes and everything on at 9PM on a normal Friday night here in the Philippines we 1-2-3 jumped in! "I AM FREE!!" We shouted!!! All we could do was keep screaming, laughing, jumping in again, and again, and again. WOW! We really had no idea what was going on except that everything that needed to get out definitely got out!
We went to the top of the stairs dripping wet, where everyone was worshiping and stood outside singing. Carly then walked up to us, gave us huge hugs. Even though we were soaking wet she still loves us =) About 3 minutes later she walked over to me and told me to look into the room at our squad and asked what I saw. I said I saw that the room was dead. Here I am, jumped in the pool, screamed at the top of my lungs, laughing because I am free and in the midst of it all, I see a dead room. She told me- "free people free people." Carly said "whatever that looks like, make it happen." Right after, I ran into the front of the room and started spinning, shouting and told everyone that something happened to me tonight where I have been set free and we are all free! I said we don't need to be a dead room but stand up and jump in the pool or jump up and down or do whatever you want!
Next thing I know I see Shayna run toward me saying she would run in the pool with me. Right away her, I and about 6 others ran and jumped in the pool shouting truths that God has for us as we sang songs and laughed. Soon enough, we got a few others in the pool where we made a whirl pool and continued to speak truths over our lives.
I will NEVER forget this moment. Philippines, at debrief I shouted at the top of my lungs and my throat hurts and I lost my voice a little but it's so fun that I truly have freedom in Christ. I still don't really even know what happened. I know that it is ok NOT to know. I am lost for words and just stand in awe of Him right now and realize that is what I need to do daily. Don't forget to stand in awe when times are good, bad, hard, funny, or when they don't make sense.
I am so excited for next month. A new fresh start, new season, new friendships, depth.
Galatians 5:1 "So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law."
