It's month 9 on the race and it becomes a very common thing that you see so much poverty, street kids with bloated bellies and wearing rags, women who have been mistreated by men, widows left alone to care for their children due to AIDS, sick people with Malaria and deadly diseases…In the beginning of seeing such sad things your emotions are all over the place. You feel sad and broken for them. You're heart just hurts. What scared you to experience for yourself is now right in front of you and you can't get away from it. I am sad to say that as the days go on and you see the same things over and over again you begin to realize you don't feel the same emotions you once did.
The street kids covered in dirt from head to toe that reach to hold your hand just becomes another hand, the mother whos husband left her is another women who has been left alone to care for her children; it's normal.
At first you feel, then I guess as time goes on you forget how to feel.
As our team walked into the women's side of the prison here in Jinja, Uganda I saw about 8 women sitting on the cold stone ground in their yellow rag uniforms with emptiness on their faces. When we began singing a worship song right away I noticed a woman in the corner with her head down in tears. I didn't know her story, I didn't know why she was crying. Right away without knowing whether I could touch her or not I sat down next to her, wrapped my arms around her, and cried with her for the next 15 minutes. As she came in closer and her head rested on my chest I realized I had compassion above my own understanding.
People have told me that emotions don't really matter-but I don't agree.
Emotions allow you to feel and to want to do something about it. I realized this day that my heart ached and burned for this woman (Rose) I knew nothing about. I had genuine compassion. I had stepped into her shoes and my heart felt a piercing sensation in the way she felt it.
I never want my emotions to wither because then maybe my compassion will wither, along with my love.
I can't always say the right words but I know I can feel what Jesus feels when he sees a broken woman and I know I can share the compassion, the real hope and love. I pray that when my heart turns to stone that God loves through me and continues to make my heart bigger, deeper and wider for the broken.
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