I spent the majority of my time, in Bulgaria, in bed healing. (Read: SNOW BOARDING IN SERBIA) It wasnt long before I became frustrated and restless. I sat in the bed staring. Sometimes I would hop to church services or I would sit outside, but I was miserable. Our contacts felt sorry for me but the ministry involved a lot of physical work. I wrote and caught up on some blogs but then the internet quit working. It wasnt long before I felt like I was going crazy. In my anger and frustration, one day, I took out my ipad and journaled to God. I begged Him "GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO … IM BORED." I now know that telling God you are bored is a really bad idea. I dont recomment it! Just as I finished typing those words the editor of a Christian women's magazine came into my room. She asked me to write a short article for her. I wasn't bored anymore. I was overwhelmed and stressed. This was a big deal to me and I wanted it to be really good. I wrote so many different things but keeping it to 1500 words was a challenge for me. Everything I wrote was too deep and long. What did God want me to say?
I am now a published writer (in Bulgaria.) This is my article (in English.) …
The best days in my life are always the ones where I hear God. When I clearly hear Him and know He hears me. I have great communication with God but it hasn't always been this way. I was raised a Christian. As a child I prayed with my family before dinner and before I went to bed. It was a ritual, not really from my heart. As I grew up into an adult my prayers would become years apart and were usually because I wanted or needed something. God was always there. I had the most awesome force in the universe right there, ready to make my life amazing. I was too busy to listen. Praying would always be put off. Then a tragedy would strike and I would ask God "WHY?"
In 2009, I lost my business, my home, my car, and my fiancé. My hearthurt and I had no money. I cried and prayed to God everyday. I lost all hope for my life and didn't know what I was going to do. I began to get angry and
question God. "Why would He let this happen to me?" One rainy day, during this time, I was driving around with my Dad and I said " God doesn't listen, He doesn't care, God doesn't exist!" Then all the sudden a rainbow appeared in the sky and touched down on the cross of a church. I was so over come with emotion and joy. I started to cry. It was my birthday that day. God heard me and He was communicating in a big obvious way. Soon after I started going to church, devoted my life to God, and started learning how to really communicate with Him. God was by my side and my life started improving.
I tried to pray more often, after that day, and knew God wanted my attention. However, my prayers seemed always the same. I would start with thankfulness. Then I would move to stress and sadness and ask God to help me. Then usually at this point my mind would start to wander and I would forget I was praying. I
would start thinking of things I should be doing, I need to be doing, or want to be doing. God would be gone from my mind and Id be focused on me. The "Amen." never came. Does this happen to you? My conversations with God were boring and seemed one way. They were very ritualistic and forced. I was doing it because I
should and not because I really wanted to. I wanted powerful real time conversation with God always. I wanted communication I could feel, love, and see … Just like my birthday rainbow.
One day in church a speaker was sharing some helpful tips on prayer. He suggested writing them down. This seemed like a really good idea. I liked writing. It would help me focus. It would be nice to have a journal record between God and I. I got a notebook after church that day. It sat beside my bed blank and untouched for weeks. Then I prayed shortly in my head … "God, how do I start?" I felt like if I just started writing it would be a mess. Everything I was thinking and feeling could fill up the notebook in one night. I prayed "God,
this is our journal, our story, I want it to be beautiful and special."
Then one cloudy day, as I drove around in my car, God spoke again. I was stopped at a red traffic light and the sky above me was dark gray but ahead it was bright and beautiful. The image was so metaphoric. It said to me "What is stopping you?" I grabbed my camera and capture the sky and stop light. I knew God was encouraging me to think about my life and make positive changes. What was keeping me in the dark or stoping me from having a bright beautiful life? I knew God was getting ready to move my life in a big way.
Then it started to storm as I parked my new car. I ran inside my new condo and was greeted by my dog (Bonnie.) She was happy to see me and terrified of the lightning and thunder. I was glad I made it home before the rough weather and she wouldn't be alone. I sat on the couch with her, petting her, trying to
comfort her. She was shaking, crying, and trying to run away from me. I had Bonnie for 10 years and she acted this way every time it stormed. She would run around the house trying to escape the sounds. Then give up and come to me but still shake and cry. She was so scared. I felt bad for her. I wrapped ablanket around us and started speaking to her in a soft relaxing tone. I said "I'll protect you. We have been through hundreds of storms together and nothing has ever happened to you. You should feel safe with me by now." Just after the words left my mouth I realized they were actually GOD's words to me. I had been worrying about money and how I was going to pay my bills all day.
A year before I was broken hearted and bankrupt. Now I had a nice car, a beautiful home, and I was next door to my church. God was there providing for me. I struggled to financially support myself but somehow just enough money was always there. I sat holding my dog and looking around at my condo. Now I was
crying too, with tears of joy. That night I had a lot to pray (journal) about. I started writing a letter to God in my notebook. I thanked him for communicating in creative ways and being there. I realized He was talking to me all the time, constantly, in every moment. I was limiting myself to what communication with God had to be. God was willing to talk to me in ways I would love and understand. How can anything with God be boring? If it is boring, something isn't right. I put these stories on the first page of my notebook ,with the picture I had taken of the sky and stop light. I hoped writing "Letters to God" would better my relationship with Him. I also wrote these prayers …
1. Lord, Let me build my faith in you to be always be bright and sunny, not like the sky, but
constant, despite the conditions.
2. God, Allow me to be stressless and believe in your ability to provide always!
3. God, I want to write and pray to You and see You moving in my life.
I'd love to tell you I heard Him everyday after that and wrote Him often, but I didn't. I stopped listening and let life consume me once again. God didn't forget though. God always answers my prayers. However, He does it by challenging me. He calls me up to more, than I can even imagine, each time. That day's "Letter to God" and realizing how God speaks to me was just practice for what was to come.
Five months later; He called me to sell everything I had, leave my family and friends, and travel the world as a missionary. An exciting, and Godly relationship was about to really begin.
Follow my journey with God. I write and talk with Him all the time now. Then I post some of those breakthrough moments here …
If you want better communication with God, pray for it! Even if it's a short prayer. If it's from your heart He will answer. He promises us this (Matthew 7:7.) Communication is vital in any relationship. Prayer (closing your eyes, folding your hands, and thinking to God) is not the only way to communicate to Him. Get excited, open your heart, and mind to Him. God is speaking to you in unique life changing ways! He delights most in our action filled responses! He wants our personal prayers to be moments of thank Yous and recognition, in between all we are achieving and doing because of Him. He wants a relationship with you!
