Us, Ladies Of Light, were in this quaint little Tibetan town that was 88% Buddhist and no one spoke English. It would be at least a week before our contact would arrive. So we spent our time getting acquainted with the town. We walked down the streets. Shopped in the markets for the things we needed. Dined, chatted, and played cards at a local café (run by Christian friends of our contact.) With out a contact, we were really unsure of what our mission here was. We did our best to just help out the family (didn’t speak English) that ran the café. It was a bit overwhelming. One thing on the list of things to do was tour the local Buddhist monastery.
So a few days after we arrived we went on our monastery tour. I was really excited for this cultural experience! I was also slightly worried, being a Christian, the effect this could have my beliefs. Would this place and religion be beautiful and make me doubt my own religion? Would I feel like.. Who am I to tell these peaceful people they are wrong? I was only drawing on my limited knowledge (based on movies) and my culturally diverse loving heart. I didn’t want to be a Holier-than-thou Christian but I also didn’t want to challenge my faith. I went in concerned with what I might come out with. Probably nothing would happen and I would just come out with great pictures and bragging rights.
We bought our tour tickets and waited for our English speaking tour guide. After 30mins of suspense, a monk walked up and spoke to us. It was hard to understand him and it took us all a little while to realize that he was our guide and he was speaking English. We followed him into the first temple. I had my camera out and ready to take pictures of everything I could. (Ashley will tell you she told us all in advance that we couldn’t take pictures inside the temples.) When I entered the temple the monk didn’t say anything about my camera and neither did the other two monks standing at the entrance. So I didn’t think it was an issue. I wasn’t sneaky about it. I took a picture, flash and all. Then the monk came running toward me saying “No, no pictures!” “Please, no pictures … must delete.” He was laughing at me (maybe because he is trained to be happy and never show anger?) I laughingly smiled back and said “I’m so sorry … I’ll delete it” (playing my dumb tourist card.) I didn’t delete the picture….
We stood in each temple struggling to make out even a few words and gain some understanding of this place. In each temple was a large Buddha statue, burning candles, offering dishes with money, and place settings of yak butter. The aroma of burning earthy incense and yak butter was strong and different. The girls, especially Maggie, were really hating the smell. If I tried hard the incense almost smelt like a camp fire … ALMOST. The yak butter just smelled like strong cheese. The monks had been fasting for 11 days and tomorrow they would all come in and eat the yak butter. The monk joked that it is their Tibetan chocolate. They mix the yak butter with sugar and eat it. YUCK! Just mention the words “yak butter” if you need a good laugh around Maggie! LOL She cracks me up with her yak-butter-gag face.
I tried so hard to understand the things I saw. However this monk had the worst English and I could maybe make out every third word he said. I tried asking questions but found it only prolonged the nonsense. So I just listened to his tone, watched his expressions, and took in the detail of each room. Several times his eyes would catch my eyes, when this happened he would start laughing uncontrollably. Then he would have to stop talking, turn away from us, and gain his composer. I kept thinking what am I doing to make him laugh at me? I was confused and a little embarrassed. I don’t know if I was embarrassed for myself or him. I felt that it only happened when he looked directly at me.
As the tour (with Charlie Browns teacher) continued, I started mentally feeling the rooms and objects that surrounded me. I know GOD is everywhere, but I could not feel him here. Coldness and distance were coming over me. I looked at pictures and object s only feeling political hierarchy, greed, and corruption. I don’t know why these were my feelings or the three words that came to my mind but that was the strong energy here. My body hurt with the mixture of starvation and heartache. I tried to ignore it and submerge myself in the interestingness. I told myself “This is cool, Im in a Buddhist monastery” However, my interest was diminishing as my comfort level decreased.
I still wanted to remember this and document. I asked him if I could take a picture of him. He said “I am shy” but smiled and posed … I shot this pic.
Then shortly afterward he took off running from us. I looked at the other girls confused. Did I insult him by taking his picture? Was he upset with me? We chased after him. He led us through deep trenches of construction going on around the monastery. It was quite a work out. We struggled to catch our breath and keep up with him. He darted around the different temples. He laughed at us and ushered us into another building. This building was full of old relics behind glass. We walked around looking at the different things. On one wall there was a map of the monastery on the wall. I started to ask him “Where on this map are we right now?’ but he started freaking out and yelling “We have to leave now.” He was acting suddenly frightened (Spirit?) he shouted at us to hurry out. I was behind all the girls and he was behind me. I guess we weren’t walking out fast enough, he pushed me forward, and I struggled to keep from falling down the step and out. I thought to myself … “Seriously? A monk just freaked out… and pushed me??? I was trying so hard to be polite and not offend him. I was feeling very offended but I smiled at him and kept my same cheerful disposition.
In the last temple he continued to speak his gibberish but He would one minute be laughing, then it would change to loud serious shouting (when another monk entered the room) I wondered if he was adjusting his behavior to be more appropriate. I don’t know what this temple was and understood nothing the bipolar monk was saying. So my eyes drifted and I began to sense it held the ashes of past important monks. I believe it was a cemetery of urns. I began to question “How people could believe and follow this cold hearted crap” A strong sadness came over me as I looked at the death that surrounded me, the eternity of Buddhism. Then all the sudden the monk looked at me smiling and laughing and said “You are crying!” I wasn’t crying but I’m sure I was wearing a look of sadness at this moment. The death here was strong and it was making me extremely unhappy to be so close to it. I was standing in a room with people who passed away, forever, because they followed this. There wasn’t a single positive emotion or feeling I could sense anywhere here… and being usually overly optimistic about everything in this world … this was new and very unsettling. How could anyone find religion here? Where was the love? How could anyone believe in a GOD here? The monk continued to poke fun at me. He said “No crying!” “People are happy here … This is a happy place.” I put on my best fake smile and said “I’m not crying.” I looked at the other girls confused by his accusation. They looked back at me just as confused. They knew I wasn’t crying. He continued speaking getting louder and getting closer and closer to me. Shannon’s protective nature kicked in and she shouted for me to back up and stop making eye contact with him. I was already backing up. I had tried hard not to meet his eyes. I was aware that in this culture eye contact is considered intimacy. He was getting in my face. I don’t know what he was trying to do or say but I felt dirty! Was he flirting with me? Was he making moves on me? He was obviously drawn to me but I don’t know what was happening in that moment. I felt embarrassed, uncomfortable, and guilty. I felt I had done something wrong and started questioning my own actions for a moment. I just wanted to leave. I made sure when he walked out of the temple that I was the last girl and far from him. I needed to distance myself from him. Then he quickly said “Thank you Good bye” and ran off. We were left there confused and lost. We had to find our way out of this maze of a place. On our way out we pasted by him. He was sitting on the ground and it looked like he was… repenting?
I left feeling that my presence caused the monk trouble. He definitely didn’t act like any monk I had seen in a movie. I don’t know much about monks or Buddhism but his actions were weird and wrong … I don’t care what religion or culture you are. I’ll never forget this experience. My worry, that I would sense beauty, love, and peace and feel conflicted with my own religion; seems to have been his to carry.
