Who am I that the lord of all, the son of God would die for me and all my sins. When the people of this world including myself don’t deserve it at all. The learning that I’ve done on this race is incredible and moving in so many ways.
in my life I was under the impression that I was nothing that no one wanted me around that I wasn’t wanted even by my parents or anyone in my family even though in my heart I knew that wasn’t true I somehow always thought it. Today yesterday when I was talking to my team leader Tanna she told me that I was wanted and that I never needed to ask if I could hangout with anyone. Yes that has been my secret in life I’ve always felt unwanted and alone not really realizing that I had God on my side walking with me through the tears and laughter.
But really… Who am I?
What did I do to deserve such and awesome King as my father? Nothing, I was just born then it was my decision the rest of the time.
The people of Malaysia are a bit different in the way of thinking then American’s it’s so funny when I go up to order food somewhere and the guy who is taking my order because he can’t stop laughing he’s so nervous about seeing a tall beautiful American Girl. I’m constantly being stared at with every different kind of eyes, they are either Malay or Indian or Chinese weather they are thin or shaped or more open or almond shaped they all see one thing for their country. They see one nation.
They make kissing noises to get your attention which I thought was just people trying to flirt with me or something along those lines.
People are curious and want to know you, where you come from, who you are and what you do. In observing them I’ve noticed that they get along with life like any other person would. They are just doing it in a different country and in a different language.
I don’t think people all over the world really realize how much everyone is the same anywhere you go in the world. I’ve seen so many different kinds of life and the things I’ve seen and experienced have opened my eyes.
I never thought I’d see the world this way I just thought this was a mission’s trip where we would be serving in different places but I’ve grown and changed and seen worlds. Not just countries but different worlds, those are overwhelming.
Being here in Malaysia has turned my world upside down. For the first two weeks we were here we stayed with a Pastor, and his wife, of a small church, in Sungai Petani, that is mostly full of his family (he’s Indian famous for HUGE families) it was a stressful stay but at the same time it taught me patience and trust that maybe it would get better. It got a bit better once we had a smooth run of the place.
Our first two days were spent prayer walking. The first day we walked for about 3 hours (maybe more) and it accumulated to about 4 miles. The next day we walked about the same amount of time but it was a little different, there is a main center of town that has the mall and a few other shops and we did it in circles that accumulated to be about 14 miles. To be honest though I only walked about 10, all I remember from that day was I was tired and fed up with this whole prayer walking, it was hot and humid my feet hurt and I just wanted to go home like back to the states kind of home. My leader and I sat out of two of the rounds and argued about any kind of thing I could think of to get out that walk. As I think back now I feel bad that I didn’t do it and that I whined and complained that my feet were hurting when Jesus was in more pain then I could ever imagine while he was carrying the cross to the place where he was hung upon it.
The next week and a half was easier I broke that day and just decided to do the walking without any complaining but I was choosing to be mad at God for sending me to this country, Oh how very immature Jessica, I thought I had good reasons but in the end I was just irritated at the lack of westernization in this country. This country lives completely opposite from America. Everyday I ask “how can they do that” or “that is so unreal” but that is the way they live and I’m sure if they were to come to America they would ask the exact same things.
Why do we always think the way we live is better? Ask yourself that question when you read this, why do people in general always think that they are better than others. I was always taught and believed that “there is no better way of Living just a different way of thinking” – My mother.
Being in Malaysia I’ve lived a different kind of life completely opposite from the one I’m used to. I’m starting to think that this is why God sent us here instead of Cambodia this month because he wanted to show us the real reason for his plane and another way of living. Yea it’s been hard and complicated but just as all the Malaysians have done, you get used to it.
