No more Instagram
Updated: 30 minutes ago
New blog website: justtjesss.wixsite.com/justjess
Yes, I deleted Instagram. For right now at least.
A huge part of my testimony is overcoming self image and what that means to me. Finding my identity in Christ and Him only. Before I started this mission trip I told myself that I would work on finding and working on the gifts that the Lord has given me. I’ve always known that He gave me a heart of worship, but it wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I started becoming confident in my voice and being a worship leader. Confidence is hard for me to take a hold of because I’ve spent so much of my life comparing myself to others.
It started at a young age. I compared myself to my sister mostly when we were kids just because I believed that things were always a competition with her. Who was smarter, who was better at karate, who could win over mom’s side when we fought. Just to let you guys know we are no longer like this. My sister Sami is my best friend in the world and she does the sweetest job of making sure that I feel important and loved because of who I am, but I think that it all usually starts with siblings. Later on in middle school and beginning of high school comparing myself became all that I thought about. Thoughts like “you aren’t as popular as her” “you aren’t as skinny and beautiful as her” “you are awkward”. I would spend hours looking in the mirror and picking myself apart because I didn’t look a certain way. I went to extreme measures to be someone that I wasn’t. I became obsessed with what I was eating everyday. So sometimes if I felt like I had too much I would end the day in making myself throw it all up. Working out became another thing I would turn to to punish myself. There was a period of time where I spent two to three hours working out. THAT’S INSANE! Nothing I ever did was good enough for me.
Back then my relationship with the Lord was not what it is today. I didn’t know the truths about who God says I am. Below are some of my favorites…
“And if children, then heirs– heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him,” (Romans 8:17) I am a fellow heir with Christ.
“Even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love,” (Ephesians 1:4) I am chosen and loved by Him.
“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created Him; male and female He created them,” (Genesis 1:27) I am made in His image.
“He brought me out into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me,” (Psalm 18:19) He delights in me.
“God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns,” (Psalm 46:4) He is working in me and will help me to stand up.
Recently I’ve realized that in order to grow right now I need to take away distractions and things that I spend more time doing than spending time with my Father. Christmas night, I was having worship with my team and the song ‘Clear the Stage’ came on and there are two lyrics that really hit me. The first one says, “Anything I put before my God is an idol,” and the second says, “Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.” Instagram came to my mind immediately and I thought about how I spend hours a day scrolling through looking at other people’s lives. It’s the sad truth, but I compare myself to so many girls that I saw on instagram. I saw the “perfect life” that they were living and the beautiful feed that they created and it became poisoness. Even I would spend so much time trying to have this “perfect feed”. Ha, it’s just not the truth. Life is not a perfect feed at all.
I’m not dogging on anyone that loves instagram, because I think there are people doing such a good job making a difference in this world by posting about the topics that they are passionate about, it’s just for me that wasn’t the case. I feel like I can do more having a blog where I’m not able to compare myself to others and I’m putting out more than just a picture and a caption.
I was talking to my best friend Abbie on the phone last night and told her about my revelation having to do with deleting instagram and I rember her telling me, “Jess you are going to have so much more peace,” and I believe she’s so right!! I’ve been praying for more peace and I think that when that song played and God put this idea in my head, it was His way of pushing me into more peace. He’s so sweet for that.
Merry late Christmas and an early Happy New Year to all of my people back home! I miss everyone like crazy it hurts. Since this is a new blog you should subscribe for email updates at the bottom of the page! I’ll be uploading lots of content on here to keep everyone updated on this precious life I’ve been given!!
