1/21/18
This is kind of weird because I’ve never written a letter to myself, but I want something to read so that I can remember the things I’ve learned this far into the race. I am not the best at journaling so I want to look back on something and see where Jesus had me at this half way point.
Hey Jess,
Just a little reminder, you’re in month five of the world race! That’s really cool. You’re living in Kathmandu, Nepal at the moment and just left India. India was a hard time for you, but you pushed through and knew that it was just a season the Lord had to lead you through. Not everything about India was terrible. You dove into a deeper state of worship with Jesus. He put more confidence in you during those two months with your singing than ever before. How sweet He was for that! Now you take every opportunity to lead your community in worship songs and that wasn’t an easy place to get to. Remember that all you have to do is close your eyes and focus on the One that you’re singing to, and everything becomes easier.
Remember the hours of construction work that you did in Makhotlong, Lesotho. How exhausted you were after walking up those hills and quickly running out of breathe because of the elevation, but feeling like there was no other thing you’d rather be exhausted for than the beautiful ministry you had been given. The St. Clair family and how they touched your life. How they made you want to have a family one day that loves people the way that they do. How sweet Ellie, Kyle and baby Sadie were to you and the adventurous hearts they all had at such a young age. Remember Oliver and the Harvester’s church. Remember the garden you got to help plant. Remember the talent/fashion show the school kids had invited you and your friends to (you never laughed so hard in your life). NEVER FORGET THE STARS THERE JESS! The Makhotlong mountains that only your God could have molded, and how you never felt more alive when you were hanging outside of the van while blasting music and having the brisk air smack your face, but loving it.
This is going to hurt, but remember the crash and what you learned from it. Remember watching your friends working as fast as they could to help the ones that were still alive. Think about how just moments before God allowed you to stand before His creation and soak up the most beautiful part of Lesotho, the mountain range. How much pain you were in for those who lost their lives and their families. The faith you had to have that the ones that were sent off in the back of the cars to the hospital lived and were healed. It was traumatizing, but you were able to be there for your friends that were hands on in the accident and that’s where the Lord wanted you. You played your part.
You didn’t spend much time in Swaziland, but there was spiritual warfare that you and the squad overcame as a community and you’ve never felt so strong in the Spirit! Remember the kids that glued to your hip as soon as you stepped foot out of your house. Remember the hours spent in the tiny tool room with your teammates and all of the pb&js you guys ate. This was the first time you spent more than two weeks away from family! This was when you began a journey into the deeper calling on your heart. This was when you said goodbye to being comfortable. This was when you really saw how indescribably blessed you were back in America. First time you didn’t shower for a week (this has become a normal thing on the race). Swaziland had the kind of sunset you only see in movies.
At this point you have met some of the people that will stand by you in your wedding one day. You’ve met some of your best friends in the world. You have learned how to love people that are sometimes harder to love. Jess, you have learned to walk in humility every day and that a gentle and quiet spirit is more precious in the eyes of the Father than to be noticed by everyone else. Don’t forget the reason why you deleted Instagram!! That became something that you spent way too much time on and it’s not going to become an idol again.
Remember about the times where you wanted nothing more than to be back home and mom told you that her daughter wasn’t going to quite. You pushed through the homesickness Jess! You’ve grown up so much in just five months. I’m sure when the time comes that you reread this you’re going to have a list of other things that you’ve grown in, but for now this is what I want you to hold onto.
Much love, Yourself
