Learning lessons isn’t always fun.
Sometimes you learn things about yourself that you never wanted to be true. But that’s what happens when you dive deeper into faith & reflection. This is the result of real & honest community living- real & honest revelations. While it’s not particularly exciting to acknowledge your own short comings, it is in the recognition & often agonizing processing that bring about true growth.
My lesson came in the midst of a children’s bible study led by one of my teammates. They were addressing a room full of Cambodian youth, yet as their words burned into me I felt that sermon was being hand delivered to me by God himself. James chapter one was the topic for the day, and while they read my eyes froze on verse 5-8.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask of God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does.”
Those four short verses hit me hard. As I read, I began to realize I am like the wave being blown & tossed by the wind. I doubt the Lord. I lack complete faith. In my ignorance, I ask the Lord for wisdom while only half-heartedly believing He will provide it. So according to the Word, that makes me an unstable & double- minded fool.
Like I said before, some lessons aren’t the most fun to learn. But, this time, I am glad I did. I am glad those words jumped from the page. I am glad I’ve been convicted of my disbelief because now I can change it. I want to trust God with all my heart, in every situation & with everything. I do not want to be like an unsteady wave. Better yet, I will not be.
So here I am, skeptical ole me starting anew. Life of unabashed faith here I come.
