Earlier this week, one of my roommates commented on an experience we shared about 8 months ago, and for some reason, I could barely remember the event. In fact, most of my memories from the past year are fairly blurry.
Last night, I went running with a close friend, and she mentioned the exact same issue…most events in her life over the past year were also blurry.
We came up with what I believe to be a profound, but sort of sad answer. Basically, for both of us, the past year has been filled with bitterness and discontentment.
By constantly complaining about where I was (or wasn’t) in life, I became stuck in pit of contempt and nostalgia, and was missing the moment…and the adventure.
Looking back….
After moving into Atlanta at the beginning of the year, I started working as a Nanny. My plan was to Nanny for a year while building my counseling practice. Well, things changed, and as I attempted to make a dramatic shift in career direction, I quickly began to resent myself, my job, my life, and God for allowing it all to happen.
Changing career is not a quick process…it involves figuring out what you want to do, what your good at, and what there is a demand for that meets those skills and desires. Then once you do that, you build a great resume, network and job seek, and then hopefully, if you do all of that right, you begin interviewing, and hopefully land to a job.
For several months I was stuck on the first part (figuring out what I’m good at, what I desire, and what there is a demand for). And during the majority of that time, I held my day-to-day life in contempt.
I’d like to take credit for this insight, but it actually came from my counselor. Instead of resenting my life (and therefore resenting God), she encouraged me to start thanking God for each day, and asking him each morning how I could serve him. Of course I wanted to throw up at this advice, but since I’ve developed a lot of respect for my counselor, I decided to at least consider the idea. I was later reminded of her advice while reading Bob Goff’s book, Love Does,
“I’ve learned that God sometimes allows us to find ourselves in a place where we want something so bad that we can’t see past it. Sometimes we can’t even see God because of it. When we want something that bad, it’s easy to mistake what we truly need for the thing we really want.”
Putting it into Practice
The two boys I nanny are Boone and Beck, ages two and four. About a month ago, I was driving Boone and Beck home from the store. Since it was raining when we arrived, I attempted to rush them inside without getting anyone too wet. Of course this failed, and both boys managed to find puddles to jump in on the way from the car to the front door.
As I was standing in the doorway of the house watching Boone and Beck laugh and play, I remembered what my counselor told me, and I thought to myself “how can I truly be in this moment, and be thankful for it?” So, like any good nanny, I took my shoes off, and joined the boys in a puddle hopping, soaking wet, adventure in the rain. It was certainly a greater adventure than watching from the doorway!
(This isn't Boone and Beck, but I thought we needed a visual)
I don’t like all of the moments I have, but since that day I spent playing in the rain, I often ask myself the same question “How can I truly be in this moment?” For me, it usually involves a break from complaining or nostalgic reminiscing, and a decision to engage in today. Being a Nanny is a lot more fun for me since I’ve adopted this theory, and I think Boone and Beck appreciate it too.
I hope I am done holding my life in contempt. I think I want to be finished with living in yesterday and tomorrow’s adventure. Maybe that is the secret of living an adventurous life.
– Jesse
