I live my life from 8’s and 9’s to 2’s and 3’s. Maybe it’s partially because I’m an SP and like to seek adventure, and tend to get bored easily. But nonetheless, I’ve come to realize that I’m a lot more comfortable with living with extreme highs and lows than I am with steadily living at a 6.
I think living at a 6 reminds me of living the American dream, with a perfect family in a perfect house with perfect furniture, a flat screen in everyone room, and an iPad for every kid. Maybe if I was rich enough to also have a beach house, I could live steadily at a 7.
The American dream is not so bad though. You can work hard and play hard. You can also live up to intellectual and emotional potential due to access to so many resources. Dissimilarly, in Peru, sometimes going to the bank is a days worth of work.
Today, the pastor of the church we are serving at dropped us off at the beach and told us to be ready at 5:30 to be picked up. Still waiting for him at 6:15, we decided to make use of our time and take a video with the donkey hanging out at the beach.
Almost more interesting than our video was that when the pastor arrived to pick us up at 6:30, an hour later than he told us to be ready for him, there was nothing more than a sense of normalcy in his affect, and no comment in regards to his tardiness.
This is my third month in South America, so the cultural difference in timeliness was not shocking. And, if we were an hour late to dinner, he would similarly still receive us with love and hospitality. So, while I’m not critical of the situation or the culture, I found myself wondering why.
Why don’t I criticize the South American dream (still not sure what that is) as much as I criticize the American dream?
The truth is, while I don’t want the perfect house with the perfect family, I think I’d also go crazy if a days worth of work could ever only consisted of going to the bank, or if I had to routinely guess if 5:30 really meant 6:30.
I was talking about this to my friend Eric over a cup of Peruvian coffee at a local café today. The coffee here is a bit different. It’s sort of like espresso, but I think its just very concentrated coffee that they serve with a cup of hot water. It taste a lot better than the instant Nescafe I’ve been drinking every morning, so I was happy about that. Anyways, when I described my dilemma about my willingness to live life from 2’s to 8’s, he asked me a really interesting question.
"What expectations aren’t being met in your life when you feel you are living at a 6?"
I didn’t have an answer. I don’t know what I want.
I did conclude however that not knowing what I want doesn’t seem to keep me from complaining about not having it. I’m still lacking in emotional maturity in that area. Or, so it seems.
After a bit of introspection, I realized it’s probably related to the fact that I’m a pleasure seeker. Anyone reading this who has known me more than a week could probably confirm that fact. And, living steadily to me seems to lack pleasure. So while I don’t know what it that I want, which is lacking in the steady life of a 6, I do think it lacks excitement and pleasure.
I think in my mind the Christian walk, or better stated, the Jesus following walk, is about dying to myself to love other people. That sounds super lame to me. It’s sort of confusing to me that others want to do that. I understand the first shall be last and the last shall be first, and that you feel blessed when you bless others, but I’m not sure I buy the idea that people truly desire to give more than they receive. Or maybe I’m the only selfish one here. I doubt it.
Ecclesiastes talks a lot about how meaningless a pleasure seeking life is because it lacks God. Maybe that’s why I go from 8’s to 2’s. I could choose to just live a steady life, choose to put others before myself, and hope something exciting happens one day. But honestly, that sounds really terrible.
So I’d like to some how mesh the two, and be steady while also being exciting, and have pleasure while also serving others selflessly.
Maybe that’s like having my cake and eating it too, which of course is what I want. Who wants to have cake you can’t eat? That doesn’t make sense to me.
Anyways, I might be the most introspective person I know, which makes me feel like a narcissist. Could be true, but hopefully some of you can relate.
Thanks for reading.
