I didn't plan on having a second part to this blog, but my recent departure from my job and that coinciding with Thanksgiving has provoked some more thought in me.
Upon my departure, I had been working for DIRECTV for nearly five and a half years. That's a long time, considering that most people change jobs every 3-4 years. During that time, I had good times and bad (more good thankfully), but when times were tough, they were really tough. There were days, weeks and even months when I seriously considered quitting and finding something that I thought in my mind would be more enjoyable. Who doesn't, right? It seems like everyone has, at some point, considered quitting their job and finding something that they love doing. Now that I'm actually unemployed, my first reaction to it is that it is not all that great a feeling, when I stop to think about it. Unemployment is a big deal, and for many people in our country it is a real struggle, so I surely am not wanting to make light of that. But often, we dream of quitting our jobs, for whatever reason; maybe thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe the first few days or weeks is pretty awesome, not having to get up early for work. For me, I can't help but have the feeling of Now what?
I know what you're thinking: But in barely over a month, you'll be jetting off to travel and tour the world for nearly a year! What do you mean now what? Certainly, I should be a little more grateful of this new season in my life than that. Well, I really am, but I guess this is my insecurity coming out in new ways. I've been a Christian for most of my life, but I will say that I haven't honestly lived for God for more than the last 2 years. I've never prayed for someone and witnessed them get healed. I've never really prophesied over someone and that person's life be dramatically changed. I've never really lived out Acts 2 beyond volunteering at my church and using some of my talents, not that that in itself isn't a good thing. This is God's way of not letting me plateau in my spiritual walk. I'm about to leave the country for a year and live out Jesus' commandment in Matthew 28:18:
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Frankly, that scares me. But that fear comes from my insecurity. Insecurity to go out into this world to reach and help people that may have never had someone love and help them before. It sounds so simple. So why am I afraid? I think so often, we (Christians) try to make God happen, instead of simply letting God happen. We go through the motions and pat ourselves on the back when we've checked everything off our list of laws and to-do's. But do we take the time often enough to just let God show up and do what He wants to do? I know that I am insecure and afraid because I think that I am the one that has to go out to the world and reach people, touch their lives and heal them, when it is really God that is going to do that. That trust in God still isn't all there for me. It is a process, and I think that has a lot to do why quitting my job hasn't really been all "sunshine and butterflies" for me. I know that it is just a step closer to leaving behind everything that makes me comfortable and stepping into a life where every single moment is one which requires total dependence on God.
When we are so weak and powerless in our own strength, we are made strong through the power of God and the Holy Spirit. He strengthens us. In those Jesus Take the Wheel moments, does God show how utterly awesome He really is.
1 Corinthians 2:3-5 – I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God's power.
2 Corinthians 12:10 – That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Philippians 4:13 – I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Proverbs 3:5 – Trust in the Lord with all your hear and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Do we trust God in any and all circumstances?
