In my previous blog post “Post Training Camp Feels,” you had an honest and true look into my heart and read exactly what I was feeling in the midst of training camp. I chose to write that blog the day after I returned from camp because I wanted everyone that has come alongside me in this journey to have the opportunity to see me, or read my words, from a very vulnerable and humble place.
It was very difficult, I cried my way through half that post, but it was real and it was raw.
Thank you for receiving me with open arms and loving me exactly where I am. I appreciate you all more than you know.
With that being said, in this blog post I am going to take you through my journal, through my notes, through the teachings I experienced, the lessons I learned, and a look into what exactly we were all taught through those very special 10 days in beautiful Gainesville, Georgia.
Church: a building for public Christian worship.
I’m here to tell you right now, that definition is wrong, but don’t worry, I will explain exactly why I believe that.
The Kingdom of God is made up of three main principles, mission, intimacy, and community.
At Adventures in Missions, they set out to make disciples and they redefine the meaning of church. A church is not defined by walls and a ceiling, church is defined by the body of Christ. Each individual person that makes a conscious decision to live their life on mission. What does that look like? Well that perfectly leads me into the next principle, intimacy.
At training camp I fully understood what it meant to find my true identity in Jesus, and for the first time I experienced inner healing. I made a conscious decision to bring light to my sin, welcome accountability from my mentors and be honest with the shame I was carrying. I wish I could explain the instant freedom I felt when I made that decision, it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I began to overflow with the Holy Spirit, I was overflowing with His love, and when something begins to overflow it starts to spill. I couldn’t contain the joy I was feeling.
For the first time I felt that I now know what it means to be a disciple in Christ. Yes, it is important to know scripture, know your facts, be able to strongly defend the Gospel, but at the same time, when the Spirit takes up real estate in your heart, and you allow Him to move in entirely, you can’t hide that. Your perception changes, the way you see people changes, you see everything through the eyes of Jesus. You learn the true nature of God, His character and His personality and He begins to train us how to respond how to see through the qualities who He is. It’s the elements he’s using to make us in His image; being truthful, righteous, merciful, gracious, generous, kind. Be those things, regardless of the circumstances.
The third principle is my favorite, community. If you take the word building, change it to community, andalter the sentence a little, that is church. Let’s also redefine worship. When you think worship, your thoughts might go straight to singing along with a band to worship.
Worship is extremely diverse. One of my teammates, Jonathan Clark, aka “Bird,” (squaaaaw) has an amazing gift in spoken word. The ability that man has to put words and rhymes down on paper, allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through him, is RADICAL and pure, raw talent. If you haven’t heard him before you need to. It will move you. I’ll attach a link. Spoken word is Birds form of worship. Worship is dancing, praying, singing, rapping, playing an instrument, or waving flags, living in a state of gratitude or thankfulness, any form of expression out of adoration for Jesus, our King!
Now, let me try to redefine church for you…
Church: A community of disciples who publicly express their adoration in exaltation for Jesus.
James 1:27- Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Before I wrote this, I had it rough draft mapped out in my journal. If I hit every part, this blog would be 10 pages long. Instead, I’ve picked two more topics that impacted me the most, which was hard to do because every.single.day was absolutely amazing. Bear with me.
Walking in forgiveness,
Matthew 18:21-22- Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Naturally, my flesh things “okay so my sister only gets 77 chances.” Fortunately I’m wrong. What Jesus is trying to explain to Peter is forgive an endless amount, no matter how many times you’ve been wrong, never stop forgiving. Can you imagine living a life where after 3 mistakes, Jesus says, “sorry Jess, three strikes and you’re out.” Let that sink in. We’ve been forgiven for everything we have done and will do, past, present and future.
Bill Swan, one of our teachers at camp walked us through the symptoms of unforgiveness.
1. Avoid and treat with indifference.
2. Talk to others about said person in a negative light.
3. Continually rehearse the wounding scenarios connected to this person.
I checked yes next to all those boxes. Bill then explained to us why extending forgiveness is so important…
1. Giving forgiveness will shape your heart.
2. Forgiveness isn’t saying what you did is okay, it’s saying I’m not the judge, God determines the judgment and punishment.
3. Un-forgiveness will ultimately lead to hatred.
4. You put up a wall between you and God when you’re walking in un-forgiveness.
How do we forgive?
1. We need to get connected to Gods forgiveness. “Lord, make me so much more aware of how I have been forgiven.”
2. Ask God for a fresh revelation of forgiveness.
3. Forgiveness is a choice.
Important to know, forgiveness takes one person, reconciliation takes two people. To walk in forgiveness is a personal decision between you and Jesus, that’s where you’ll find freedom.
I sat in my chair as Bill said all these things and thought about the day before this session, I had a long talk with my mentor, Bella about how I struggled with feeling forgiveness in my heart even though I was saying it in my head. There is a difference. So in that moment, I made a decision to confess out loud to Bella that I wasn’t going to wait to “feel” it, I would pronounce it again and again until I felt it. I wept in her shoulder, I spoke forgiveness out loud and for the first time, I felt forgiveness in my heart. Bella gave me this visual of walking through my front door and taking those I haven’t forgave, off the coat hanger and letting them walk out the front door. Sometimes, in order to experience breakthrough you need to literally visualize it.
It doesn’t stop there though, when you make that decision, it’s important to pray blessing over the person you have forgiven, pray the Lord would bring great things into that person’s life. Choose to bless. Bless those who curse you.
Lastly, Pain and Shame… everyone’s favorite. 🙂
Let me first say THERE IS FREEDOM IN VULNERABILITY.
This portion of camp will be hard to break down, because it was an extremely emotional day, my notes are all over the place, which is a perfect metaphor for exactly how I was feeling that day. So extend your grace and I pray you receive what I am saying in the best way possible.
You either manage your emotions or your emotions manage you. In my case, my emotions managed and controlled me. For many years I was choosing to hold onto my pain and shame. I internalized all my feelings and never expressed what was on my heart. I walked with pride that everything is okay. I was held in bondage and hindered my personal relationship with Jesus. I touched on this part of my walk in my previous post, but it is SO relevant, so I may repeat myself.
Your emotions are a map to your soul, but that doesn’t always mean they are true. For example, I honestly felt I would be doing a disservice to those in my life if I shared my true self. I was so, so wrong. At training camp, during that session our teacher told us to spend some time asking the Lord to reveal what we may be holding onto in the depths of our heart. I didn’t need the additional 20 minutes to pray, I knew. I pulled my mentor, Ashley, (who goes by Fran because we have a lot of Ashleys) outside and unloaded on her. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done emotionally. It was when I finally chose to let her into the deepest, darkest and most vulnerable space in my heart, I felt freedom. Jesus exposed me. He was saying to me, “Jess, I need you to feel this. I know it’s hard, but I have something for you. Don’t run.” In the midst of that burden slowly coming off, the bondage being broken, I still felt pain and I still felt uncomfortable. Fran comforted me and showed me love and acceptance despite what I shared. She also said something to me that I can honestly say I think about every single day. I asked her, “Fran, do I have to go back inside and share this again with my team.” She responded, “the amount of freedom and intimacy you want to experience with the Lord is up to you.” COME ON. Hit me like a brick. So Fran, if you’re reading this, I am forever encouraged and impacted by those words.
Romans 8:18-19— I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.
So I leave you with this last note, it is every bit possible to find comfort from the Lord in the midst of suffering. Allow me to be completely transparent with you all in my experience, in the midst of my suffering when I was crying out for comfort, I didn’t feel an overwhelming sudden peace about sharing and I didn’t instantly feel confident and great about opening up. I still struggled, it was painful, it was hard and uncomfortable, but the Father was with me, in all the mess, He sat with me – and that’s what makes the difference. That makes it worth it. In the midst of the pain, I felt His presence. Just because God comforts us, it doesn’t mean our troubles go away. What it does mean, however, is we receive from Him the strength, encouragement and hope to deal with our troubles, but it is still hard.
The more we suffer, the more He comforts.
I pray you find encouragement from this post, and I strongly welcome feedback, questions, concerns, love, conversation, anything you have for me! I love you all so much and am forever grateful for your support and choosing to come alongside me in this journey. Daily I am learning from the Father and He continues to mold and shape me, I can’t wait to live a life of constant church no matter where I go! I hope you will join me.
