When I was home I couldn’t get my mind off of the World Race. Now, I’m in month 11 and I can’t get my mind off home, but I’ve found myself missing home in a way I never thought I would.
At this point, I could care less about a hot shower, a washing machine, a dryer, a dishwasher, a refrigerator stocked full of fresh food from whole foods, trader joes or whichever your favorite grocery store is, don’t get me wrong those are great, but that’s not what it’s about.
I miss all the things I took for granted and never gave enough time to or really understood how much they meant to me.
I miss laughing till I cried with my cousin/best friend, Sabrina. I miss the moments when something would happen and we would both look at each other and be thinking the exact same thing. I miss sharing everything I know and having the confidence and trust it stays between us.
I miss hearing my cousin Kennah call me kitty, talking in our duck face voice and laughing about all the crazy times we had back in high school. I miss her confidence, and watching her go after what she wants with everything she has and getting it. I’ve never know anyone more driven.
I miss my cousin Harrison showing me new music he’s heard or new music he’s created. I miss his sense of humour and laughing myself to tears even though it’s probably because he’s making fun of me; still love ya Harry.
I miss going out to eat with my sister Sarah. I miss how well she listens to me and how intently she asks me questions and how much she truly cares. I miss spending my mornings with my mom drinking coffee, reading the word and listening to Jan Markell. I miss seeing her cry when she thinks or speaks about the Father’s Love. I miss her generous and tender heart.
I miss making big healthy salads with my Aunt Mary, discussing what the Lord is teaching her, asking her any random question and baking healthy sweets. I miss her wisdom and knowledge that she holds. I miss her sarcasm and sense of humour.
I miss my dad. My dad and I normally spend a lot of time apart, but I always turn to him for encouragement and support. He’s been my number one support with everything I do, he’s always by my side. I miss laughing with him, sharing my dreams and ambitions with him, and eating honey nut cheerios with a side of ritz crackers and peanut butter.
I miss my Uncle Matt calling me Tiger and being able to ask him practically anything and him having a response, that always aligns with biblical truth. I miss his wisdom and his knowledge on scripture that I can’t wait to take more advantage of. I miss my Aunt Susannah’s encouragement and words of wisdom that never fails to align with the Word. I miss how boldly she speaks and how confidently she walks in her identity in Christ.
These are the things that I miss most. There was a time I craved change, I craved travel, new experiences, different cultures, different people. I’ve found myself now in a place where I’ve learned so much about the world. I’ve experienced the Lord in ways I never imagined. I’ve grown in intimacy with Him and I have a personal relationship with the One who created me.
Maybe I needed 11 months through 11 different countries to learn that. Maybe I needed to come to a place where I literally have nothing left of myself to pour out and I need all of Jesus. I now know what it feels like to live in a hotel in Vietnam next to the beach with unlimited access to wifi and constant communication with my family, but still feel alone. I know what it’s like to hike 64 miles through the jungle, completely cut off from the outside world, literally off the grid, and never feel closer to the Father. I’ve experienced living in a small fishing village where ministry was only 2 hours a day, but I made a choice to press in, walk in obedience, and I received more revelation from the Lord that month than I ever have. I’ve seen the joy of the Lord in children in Africa, who have 1 meal a day and walk miles and miles to get to school. I’ve also learned I miss the things that have been apart of my entire life but over time became more of a background noise…something I was used to but never fully appreciated.
Most importantly, after all these years, after these 11 months, I’ve learned, more than ever, what Paul has been saying in Philippians 4:11-12 “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”
And what is that secret?
Maybe you need 11 months to figure it out. Maybe you need one day. Try looking at whatever circumstance you’re in without thinking what could be more or what could be less, but just what is, and know that it is that exact way because Jesus allowed it to be.
