The jounrney on the Amazon River has been time that I will never forget.
A trip that is equally draining as it was fruitful. Let me set the stage for you.
A river as wide as the eye could see, with thick green lush rainforest lining both sides. Lurking in the the brown waters of the Amazon River are caymens, pink dolphins and piranhas. The river is always flowing and moving at a quick speed. Our small passenger/ cargo boat passes these large ships that to me look like they belong in the ocean not a river. Hammocks of many colors line the passenger deck. The hammocks are squeezed in tight right next to each, making it nearly impossible not to swing and hit the hammock right next to you.
I find myself between two strangers. The one on the left is a young man with a tattoo of lips on his neck and on the right is a mom with two young children all sharing one hammock. We set off on a six day journey to reach the boarder to cross into Peru.
By day 3, I have made friends with some of the people on the boat and the rest of the girls on the squad had been hanging out every night playing games, having Bible studies, basically doing life on a boat. We quickly established a new normal, with breakfast at 6 AM every morning, lunch at 11 AM and to end the day dinner at 5pm. After breakfast a group of us went to workout on the top deck. I have found that the best time to take a shower is after lunch. And would spend my time after the morning work out, reading my bible, writing my thoughts and just listening to God’s voice. This would fill my time before lunch most days, and this day was just the same.
Shortly following lunch, I gathered my things together and set off to take my shower. I had kept my cell phone with me at all times up until this point. I had decided, being that there was limited space in the bathroom and I didn’t want it to fall in the toilet, I left it buried and wrapped up my hammock.
Upon returning to my hammock I quickly check for my phone, and there it sat exactly where I had left it. As you scan the passenger deck, you see multiple people using phones, and charging them in various outlets. It was sort of normal to walk away for a moment without your phone and it would be fine. I set out doing my task of brushing teeth, putting away my clothes and hanging up some of my clothes etc. I gathered my journal, Bible and notebook and set off to do some more writing. As I sat I remembered I had left my phone so I returned to my hammock to retrieve it but it was gone.
My heart sank, like a sinking ship and panic over took my emotions. Quickly I took everything out of my hammock and carefully unloaded my backpack to check every possible place I could have placed it. Nothing.
I paused and said a prayer, “God could you please give me wisdom as to where my phone might be? Amen.” I looked through my stuff once more, but it was nowhere to be found. I noticed that the lady next to me with the two children was asleep and the other guy was not in his hammock. “God where is my phone”, “I ask that you will bring my phone into the light, and if someone did take would you compel them to bring it back.”
Rewind for just a second, God, over the last few weeks has been revealing, through a series of events that I have been believing lies about myself over the course of my life. So much so that I’ve been blinded to what is truth and what is not. My team has been wonderful and has been encouraging me to find the truth and speak it over my life. My squad leaders have spoken wonderful words of life back into me and have gently lead me to the feet of the Father. With that said, let me keep on with the story.
I took a deep breathe and closed my eyes and with tearing eyes said, “I am so stupid for leaving my phone alone.” BAM CLICK My Father God, spoke to me ever so tenderly, “LIE” then I tried to say, “I can’t believe I made such a dumb mistake.” and before any more negative words could come out of my mouth, Father God interupted me. Reminding me that these words were LIES. So I was faced with two choices at this point, first I could freak out and start feeding myself more lies. Second, I could put my FULL trust in Father God and surrender my emotions to Him. I choose the second, with a little of the first at the start.
I gathered myself and ask again for wisdom about where my phone might be. I heard the Lord speak and what He said took my breathe away, “You are worth far more than any cell phone!” Tears welling up in my eyes, I hear His voice asking me, “Who is your worth found in Me or a phone?” At that point, I was like OK God, I get it and surrender my thoughts and repented from believing the lies that I had fed myself. It was time that I fight the enemy wearing my Daddies armor. I closed my eyes and prayed, “Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit surround me with your presence and I command the plans of the enemy to be destroyed. I am the daughter of the Most High King and I am worth more than a cell phone! Father you are worth WAY more than a cell phone”. I ask my Papa, to reveal the phone and if it’s not to be found I ask for His peace to come over me. I was exhausted at this point, and my Daddy told me to rest. As I climbed into my hammock I was still uneasy about the situation, and just as I closed my eyes with my final words I asked for peace to find me in my sleep.
Two hours pass and I am awaken by my squadmate Kaytlin. As I get up I share with her what has happen and she prays for me and encourages me to ask the people around me. I wait a few minutes and get the courage to ask them. Now I can speak Spanish well enough, but Portuguese is not Spanish. I somehow relay what happened and they were shocked and quickly told me to ask the commander of the boat. I ask the commander and they have nothing. There was a man next to the guy with the kiss tattoo, we’ll call him Buddy, who was next to my teammate Lila, and I ask him if he seen anyone and he said no, and put his fist to his hand, to let me know he would beat anyone, haha. These two men, that didn’t know me, and knew I didn’t speak any Portugues proceeded to escort me around the boat asking just about everyone if they had seen my phone. I went from feeling alone and believing lies to being surrounded by guardian angels (bodyguards) willing to help me out.
Meanwhile in my heart and head I was battling a different battle. I was warring against old ways of self condeming thoughts, and not using my sheild of faith very well. At this point, I thank the men for all their help and sat down feeling very defeated and worn out from it all. The dinner bell rang and I got in line to eat. I shared with the rest of the team and squad about my phone. Esther and Candace were in line next to me, and I asked them to pray for me as I was feeling very defeated. As dinner finished I felt all my self doubt leave, and the flaming arrows of the lies where extingshed because I had started to cover myself with the sheild of faith.
Peace had found me and I declared that God would be glorified in this victory over my life and self worth. I grieved the loss of my phone and the easy access to photos, wifi, and all the little useful things it came in handy for. I realized that it’s not God and I would rather have my Father God as my God then any idol. I started praising God for all he as allowed me to do and that I am created in His image and thanked Him for His love and for loving me more than a cell phone. My sorrow turned into joy. In finding my joy the enemy was gone.
In other words, when He decided that He was going to make you, in His mind He thought “How can I make this one absolutely loveable?” (James Jordan, Sonship)
To finish this amazon adventure, as I was pondering about the loss of the ablitly to use my phone to take picture for the rest of my South America world race Father God encourged me with these words, “The Bible Has No Pictures”.
I am not certian what I will be doing next. I know that posting blogs is going to be looking a little bit different for me. God is allowing me to walk in this new identity that He is reclaiming and I now sit covered in my Father’s love.
