Dreaming in color

Last night, I had a vivid dream…one that I wished was a sign of something real taking place.
 
I dreamed that I was looking at my fundraising tab on my World Race profile and tears poured down my face as specific names appeared with their generous gifts.
 
I woke up…and immediately checked my profile.  Nope.  Nothing had changed.  Still at $7132.28. 

When I first sent out my support letters, I asked my mom, “Why would anyone support me?  There are so many places and people to give to.”  I felt like I had to prove the validity of this mission trip and defend the impact I know it will have on my life and soul.  But people oftentimes want to know the change that will happen outside of my life…rather than inside my life.  Yet this inner change, I knew, was the crucial point of this trip.  Only out of this inner transformation can I attempt to change the world around me.

All that said, my mom responded, “It’s gonna have to be God moving them.”

I agreed.  It would have to be God.
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As I pondered the work God would have to do, He took me to an incredible passage of Scripture that caused me to question how freely I  was allowing God to reign in my life.

2 Corinthians 9:6-15
“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheeful giver.  And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
 their righteousness endures forever.”

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.  Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.  And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you.  Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!"

Did you catch it???  This also is a grace of God that He longs for us to walk in. 

Giving…is a grace.  Think about it.  Who in their right mind would take their hard earned money…and give it away?!  Even more so, who could do this with JOY….with a cheerful heart?

And this is where God steps in with another gift for us.  He gives us the grace to give. 

This is not a grace that I have necessarily sought to grow in.  And I’ll tell you why.  I have been operating in the old law system of giving…and tithing.  God has shown me how dangerous this is…because it does not require a relationship with Him.

I found this wisdom in a blog:

“Under the New Covenant, giving to God flows from each person’s relationship with Messiah–from lives surrendered to Messiah.

We can summarize the essence of Jesus’ message as follows: Loosen your grip on possessions, open your palms, and present everything to Jesus, so He decides what He should keep in His Kingdom, and what you should use. 

Jesus wants us in a personal relationship with Him where we place all money and belongings at His disposal and then follow His direction to use and share them. Still, many folks withhold parts of their lives and live in at least two silos.  In one silo, they alone decide how to use God's 90%. And in the other, they give Him a tithe or less—in North America the average is much less.  That's why I define tithing as a guilt relieving way to spend God's 90 % without His approval."

Source: http://www.managinggodsmoney.com/mgm/tithing.php

I know some people may be offended by this.  You have faithfully given your whole life based on this percentage taught and perhaps you HAVE figured out the secret to giving with a joyful heart and not out of reluctance or duty. 

But for me, I saw tithing as a Christian duty, not a grace that God wanted to teach me.   And I tried to give joyfully to Christ what belonged to Him.  But what do you do when He asks for everything?  When He wants a say in how you spend all the money in your wallet, not a percentage?

Honestly, it is easier to check a box on a list of spiritual duties rather than live out of a relationship with God.  Pressing into Him and asking what His will is for every area of my life…requires effort.  It takes ceasing how I’ve always done things, how I’ve always lived, and requires that I include God in those decisions.  God has greater plans for me than I want sometimes!  He wants me to rely on Him for everything!  And He wants me to trust Him…even when He asks for control of everything.  He wants to make us rich in righteousness.  And the playing ground He is challenging me on is my willingness to ask Him what He wants me to give…then joyfully responding.
 

 
At the beginning of this journey called fundraising, I found myself checking my account everyday and just hoping for more money to appear; I didn’t care at first what caused people to give, I was just desperate to meet my first couple of deadlines.