It was the 3rd day into my mission trip in Belize with my high school youth. After completing my Bible study for the morning, I closed my eyes to pray…or really to groan to God. I was miserable. Physically, the trip had been tiring and hot and we had only done a few days of ministry. But even more so, I felt numbed out to ministry. I was not experiencing any joy and my coping mechanism was to just endure for the week.
Fear crept in as I wondered if I would be miserable everyday for 11 months on the World Race that was quickly approaching. So, I cried out to God. I couldn’t endure without His presence, without His sustaining joy. And I knew I couldn’t change myself. I begged Jesus to just change me; to restore joy and peace. Then I heard His invitation, “Why don’t you stay here with me during breakfast…and maybe lunch.” My flesh immediately responded with an “Are you crazy? I already have no energy and my stomach is rumbling and food is one of the only good moments in the day. How am I supposed to have more joy and energy today if I don’t eat?” But as I heard His voice go silent, my heart desperately cried out again. “OK! Just please, don’t take your presence from me. I want you more than I want food today. You are what I want.”
You know, I’ve prayed many times this past year for God to just change me into a different person. I knew I couldn’t change myself, so I figured if He wanted me to look more like Christ, He would have to do the work. The truth is, God is doing a good work in me, but He invites me into relationship with Him as He does that work. And I can choose to live according to my selfish desires or I can choose to respond to His movement. Choosing to eat breakfast that morning instead of praying didn’t seem like a life-altering choice. But instead of giving into my rationale of what seemed to matter, I chose to respond to God’s invitation. And He gave me a sweet joy and encouraged my soul all day. He increased my love and compassion for my students as I prayed for each one. And I was filled.
I realize this next year I am going to have thousands of chances like this one to respond to God’s invitation. I wish He would magically transform me by tomorrow morning into who He wants me to be. But then, I miss the incredible journey of listening and learning to respond to His voice. He is inviting me into a more intimate relationship with Him and He is opening my eyes to all of the “unsearchable riches of Christ.”
So, I mark this down as a reminder. He is better than anything in this world. And He is always calling, always inviting. Never demanding or condemning. But He wants more for me, more for you. What will your response be?
