I’ve been surrounded by Buddhism and Hinduism for the past 2 ½ months, and along with that come the temples and shrines to their various gods and to honor Buddha. Most of these places are absolutely gorgeous, I mean stunning, and they are so incredibly detailed and intricate. There is no doubt there was incredible care, deliberateness and worship that went into the
creation of these places.
As I stood at Wat Pho in Bangkok yesterday I was amazed at my surroundings and realized that for many this was their place of worship, this is how they worship.
I started to wonder how do I worship?
My God does not require intricate gold plated temples of me. I do not need to build statues and burn incense in worship. No He asks something much simpler, or is it?
He asks for me, all of me (He asks the same of you too). I don’t worship the God of the universe by building Him some absolutely breathtaking shrine, no my worship is me, giving my life over to Him.
That’s all He asks of me… my life… all of it… dedicated to Him.
To be honest some days I wish that He would ask me to build Him a million dollar temple, that seems easier.
I had fooled myself into thinking that I was giving Him all of me, I left home for 11 months after all, wasn’t that enough? It’s not, because I’ve been holding on to something big – My heart.
I’m just going to lay it out there: I want to fall in love, I want to be in a relationship, to be romanced, to get married and have a family. My heart yearns for all of this and I’ve been holding onto all of this. I’m willing to tell God that He can have my heart as long as He doesn’t ask for that part of my heart. Sure when my heart gets a little bruised or hurt I lay it at God’s feet and tell Him that it’s His for this season, but I don’t actually let Him hold on to it. I keep taking it back, I keep clinging to these hopes and desires and almost willingly throw my heart at any guy that I kinda sorta might maybe like(ish).
I’m so tired of this, I want to be honest and true in my worship. Do I want to keep telling God that He can have ALL of me only to take it back right away? It’s like a game of tug-of-war, and I’m exhausted. So here I am, I’m laying it down again and this time I don’t want it back. I know that He wants all of me and has told me over and over that in this season He wants my heart (ALL OF IT) and it’s about time I finally listened ( I mean it’s not like He’s given me a million signs).
I’m not naïve enough to think that because I’m determined this time it’s going to be easy, I know that laying my life and my heart down at God’s feet is a decision that I will have to make every single day. It’s a decision that requires dying to my flesh and trusting God daily, but for once I am finally ok with that. If God has shown me anything in these past few months, it’s that I can trust Him, that I NEED to trust Him.
So here’s my challenge to you – What are you holding onto? What is keeping you from worshiping fully?
-Jess
