So I know some people are wondering why I decided to sign up for the race so late in the game. And by late in the game I mean, two weeks until the application deadline is due and before my first deadline of $3,500 is due. I honestly have just one answer and it's this: God told me too. I know that's probably not the answer some people were looking for, so let me explain how this all came about.
Ever since coming back from Kenya this summer, I've had this intense heartbeat for the race. Like I would stock the blogs way more than I have before, and would read up on just about all of my friends I knew who did the race. I would read tons of their blogs and look through their photo's from when they were on the field. I even created a tab on my computer called "World Race" where I stored important blogs and REI's website. I kept all this information to myself and decided I would pray about it. In my mind, my plan was to go on the Race next July, or wait until September depending on the "plans" I thought were going to happen. Well God sure had something else in mind for me.
About 2 weeks ago I was helping out at AIM for the passport launch with two really good friends. We decided to go sit outside while the leaders were in a session and just talk. I started talking about how come January, I wasn't sure what I will be doing. I wanted to go back out, so I thought about leading, but just didn't feel 100% about it. Out of nowhere, my friend Morgan says "Why don't you go on the race?" I thought about it, and shook my head. She then continued on about how if I wanted to leave in January, why not the race, and how it was perfect for me and how she felt it was my next step before I led again. My world literally felt like it stopped spinning. Even though I tired to deny it, everything matched up. I went on to explain how there was no way I could go on the race so soon. I was in the process of looking for a second job, trying to get my finances together, and how I didn't feel I could do that all so soon. My friend Eric chimed in and said "well just apply, it's not like your commiting to anything, it's just an application." I thought about it some more, and told Morgan to go get my computer, because after all it was just an application.
So I applied, and told very few people. I didn't want word out because I could barely wrap my mind around what I had just done, let alone try to explain it. A few days later I got a call from an AIM staff explaining that I would have to have an interview and oh yeah, if you do decide to commit, you have a deadline on October 1st and you have to have $3,500. Umm excuse me, can you repeat that. As soon as that set in, my mind was made. There was no way I was doing the race in January, no way, no way. Plus I had a deadline to have my interview by, and I didn't have the money to pay my application fee, which meant I wasn't going to get it done in time. I decided that if I was supposed to really do this, God would provide. I told my friend Morgan about it a few days later and she asked how much my app fee was, and I told her $39. She had found $40 dollars in her wallet that day and had no idea where it came from, and when she asked God what to do with it, He told her to give it away. She gave me the money, and I paid my fee and scheduled my interview. I guess at this point it's safe to say I was meant for this, and even though I still had my doubts, God was making it clearer every step of the way that this was His plan for me.
I went back up to AIM to help with another launch and was talking to one of my friends on staff and told her that I applied for the race. I told her I still wasn't 100% sure, but was just going to go with the flow. She asked me why I was hesitatant and I told her my answers: basically I'm scared. She said to me "basically the only thing that matters is what the Spirit is telling you to do." Such simple words and words I've known to be true, but hearing them from her helped me realize that my fear was dumb. I was scared because I knew I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it by myself, and hate asking for help. I failed to realize that it's not me doing this, it's God. I can't do this, that is clear, but He can. He's not asking me to do anything, but be obedient. He promised He'd take it from there.
So with that, I'm being obedient. No more fighting it, no more being scared. From now on I'm trusting God that He will provide all I need. He's already proven faithful, so I have nothing to doubt
