“She’s black, we’re black. She’s just like us.” With those words, I went back to a familiar place. I went back to feelings I felt all the time in Africa, feelings I grew up with. I went back to a feeling I knew all too well, something I was working through now because it was brought to my attention month 3. I went back to a place I never knew was so deeply rooted in me. I went back to my cave of rejection.
I wanted India to be different. Two years spent in Africa and I was done. Not that I hated the continent or anything, but I wanted something different. Two years of my life were defined with Africa, Kenya, Uganda and everything that comes with those. I couldn’t wait to experience a totally new culture, a new way of life, and a new continent. I wanted stories that didn’t involve chapati, malaria, being mistaken for a local and things like that. I was tired of being overlooked because of the color of my skin. I was tired of not really being able to explain it to my team/squad mates because they couldn’t understand. I wanted new, and three days into India realized this wasn’t the place I was going to get that.
I couldn’t believe it, the similarities between India and Africa blew my mind. I woke up everyday and had to remind myself I was in India. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of Africa and I hated it. I came here for something different. I was told this place was unlike any other, but everything I knew about Africa and the things I was discovering about this place made the two eerily similar. I was eating chapati at just about every meal, people suffer from malaria here, and I was still being overlooked because according to them “she’s black, just like us.”
Instant shut down. It not only affected how I interacted with the people, but it affected my whole view on India. I hated the place and I just wanted out. I started counting down the days until we left, but that just made things worse. I felt trapped, like I was never going to get out, and I started becoming irritated. Irritated with the people, our ministry, and my team. I knew I couldn’t go the whole month feeling this way. Everyday, I was reminded that my team and I, 341, were placed in the bush of India, doing village ministry for a reason. I remembered that God loved this place. Like a painter loves the masterpieces they create, God loved this masterpiece and He was proud of it. As I started realizing that, I also started remembering that I was one of His masterpieces, and His masterpieces aren’t overlooked. They’re the opposite, they’re stared at, they’re accepted.
“You’re accepted.” That soft whisper was all I needed to start seeing things the way my Father did. He accepted me and that was all that mattered. Not only does He accept me, he loves me and that’s enough. I started walking in places knowing I was accepted. Instead of walking in places with the mindset that I was going to be overlooked, I walked in knowing that wan’t even an option. As I adapted this new mindset, I started hating India less. It’s still not one of my favorite places, but I started seeing the beauty of it instead of the things that disgusted me. I realized all the blessings God placed in these villages/cities specifically for my team and I. Blessings that cater to each of us personally. They’re are an abundance of babies for me to hold, beautiful Jasmine flowers for Morgan to smell, lots of sweet interesting people for Lauren to interact with, motorcycles for Wes to hop on and ride, a sweet girl named Jasmine for Allie to love on, plenty of Thums Up for Matt to drink, and tons of places where Jon and go and get his alone time. Blessings, all around, everywhere we look, placed here for 341. Even though it’s been a tough month, God has made sure that there are things here to remind us of His goodness and that we’re accepted by Him.
Once I stopped seeing everything from my perspective and looked at it how God does, I realized just how deep His love runs for us. Once I walked in my acceptance, I realized I was the one overlooking things. I realized it wasn’t so much about the color of my skin, but my fear of rejection that ran much deeper than a kid not giving me flowers. I realized I was rejecting these people before they had the chance to reject me, and was quickly reminded that God accepts them too. God loves them. Not only that, but He delights in these people.
So India, I still can’t say I am in love with your country, but thank you for teaching me a thing or two about love. Thank you for reminding me that I am accepted. Thanks for the many blessings spread throughout our time that blessed my team and I when we needed them most. I am fully accepted. I’ll continue the rest of my race with the new knowledge I leaned in India. So thank you India for being the last place I thought I would learn about my acceptance in Christ.
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I have 4 days to raise $2,300
May 1st is when I have to have the funds or else my journey is done
I missed my April 1st deadline, but AIM gave me grace
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