Last month I was reading through some old documents I had typed up on the computer, and I stumbled across one titled “season of change.” Sometimes instead of journaling, I’ll type thing up on my computer and save them for later, and this happened to be one of those. I wrote this on July 26, 2012…right after coming home from Kenya. I had no idea then about my future, about the race and what God had planned for me. I didn’t recall writing this or even what it was, so I opened it and started to read it. As I read line by line, I couldn’t help but laugh at the words I was reading. Further along into it, I was in awe of God. He’s such a sneaky man. He was writing through me to me, and here’s what He said:
“I often find myself wondering why God does the things he does. I can sit for hours baffled, trying to figure out how everything’s going to work, only to get frustrated and give up in the moment. And then the next day, Im right back at it. It’s so dumb because most of the time God never tells me anyway until His timing, but try as I might, I am still determined to figure it out before He reveals it to me. It probably has something to do with my intense dislike of surprises. I’ll spend countless hours trying to figure out surprises, and then get disappointed when I do and it’s not what I want. Well this season that God has me entering came as a surprise and if I’m honest, I don’t like it.
I hate change. I know it’s inevitable to life, and that in most cases it’s good, but sometimes it’s so hard to see the good in change. It can be so hard, but oh so good at the same time. I feel like I just came out of a season of change in my life, and while it was huge, God told me he’s not done…that theres more. More change within the next year.
God is silently whispering to me. I tried not to listen, but he keeps saying “it’s time for more change.” This change will affect almost everything, from my community, myself, and my atmosphere. This change will take place within the next year he’s told me. I’m going to step into some big things, some hard things, and some scary things, but all of these things will benefit me and change me. I’m going to be completely honest and say I go in apprehensive, very timid. I know I should walk in head held high and confident, but when you know your worlds about to change, it’s easy to be scared of what exactly that means.”
Reading this blows me away. God was foreshadowing my future to me, and I was so wrapped up in the change and how I wasn’t going to like it, that I missed basically all He was saying to me. I didn’t listen to what He was saying to me. I do this a lot unfortunately, and not only with God. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a bad listener in life. I get lost because I didn’t listen to directions, I don’t know what to do because I tune out after instruction #4, and I agree to friends without any idea of what they said. I just don’t listen fully. I have been called out and convicted about this so much lately that I know it needs to change. I’ve been thinking and I know the race will be the place to learn. There will be so many stories/details I will have to listen to on the race to report back to my friends/family/blog readers. I have to listen these next 11 months.
So as my time to launch is dwindling down and I’m going over the many packing list, I’m adding something specific to my list: listening ears (I work with kids a lot.) This year I want to LISTEN to stories and not just hear them. I want to be fully engaged the whole time instead of checking out just because I get bored. I want to pay attention to people like I would want people to pay attention to me. I want to ask questions when I’m confused or don’t understand instead of giving up. I want to change lives with the stories I tell, but in order for that to happen, I have to listen.
Here’s to a year of listening, because no story is to unimportant not to be told
