“How’s your heart?” was a common question from my closest friends back home. The question was intended to not know “how are you?” but deeper, they wanted to know how my soul was. How were all the circumstances in my life affecting my inner being.
The Circumstances:
This month is “Woministry and Manistry” month and my current place of residency is a 1200 square foot cottage on the property of the sweetest Swazi couple I have yet to meet. 1200 square feet fully taken up by 11 girls. Every foot seems to have a trace of one of us, whether it be a person or personal belongings, we are everywhere. And regardless of how early I rise I share my quiet time in the living room with three sleeping girls, and by 6 or 6:30am the table fills up with bibles, journals, coffee mugs and teammates searching the know the Father more.
Swaziland is one of the smallest countries here in Africa. In fact you can drive from one end to the other in about three hours time. This tiny country has an HIV statistic of 1 in 3 and it’s been said that by 2050 the population of Swazi’s will be non-existent due to the HIV/AIDs epidemic.
The women of E squad are working with the AIM base here in Manzini along with Gap Year, and another large AIM missions team, bringing us to about 100+ missionaries in Swaziland. Ministry this month has been a fight. Each day has something different but the bones of it are the Care Points. AIM has 34 Care Points in the country where children are able to run to after school for a meal of rice mixed with a soy protein. For some, it may be there only meal of the day.
The majority of us are working from 9-12 at the Care Points helping teach and love on the preschoolers. After noon our days become our own. The other ministry opportunities are filled by the Gap Year girls that have had residency here for the past three months. We hope to fill our days and have access to these ministries (agriculture, hospital, and hospice visits) on our last week here.
Needless to say, I feel as though I am living in someone else’s mistake. I do not feel like the Lord called E squad to Swaziland in February for 38 girls to do maybe three hours of ministry per day. It feels like a rash decision was made when our route was changed hindering our experience here in Swazi and on The Race. But I know that anything good done in the name of the Lord will be blessed by him. So, yes, this month has good, it has blessings, it has a purpose. Artists may call this a “happy mistake” something that wasn’t meant to be turned into something good.
So, how’s my heart? It’s seems to be swelling with many different emotions, statistics and responsibilities. I am confused, joyful, and frustrated. I am the team treasurer again and a dinner cook. I am homesick and tired. I am sitting in unescapable heat, smothered, and overstimulated. I have fallen in love with loving the preschoolers. I have had a voice and I have had that voice quieted. I have had meaningful conversations on long runs to escape the chaos of the cottage. I have had the gift of getting to see the heart of our contact. I have likely held a child or two with HIV. I have been living in a “happy mistake.”
Ministry is messy. It doesn’t often look the way it’s perceived or promised and each day may start with “just one more day.” It isn’t always fulfilling or uplifting and often the glamor of it is only a moment. But that moment is what makes the journey worth telling. Going to Care Points each day, staring that 1 in 3 HIV statistic in the face and choosing to ignore and love is what matters. It’s simple, there is something glamorous about holding the boy who’s mother just died, picking up the cryer, or dancing with the girl who won’t let you set her down.
Written in honor of my girls back home: Kelsey Kroon, Megan Smith, and Rachel Tart
