I may or not be in the running for the world’s least likely missionary.
I don’t love hiking or camping or backpacking and I’ve only ever traveled in comfort.
I’ve served people in a million different capacities but I’ve never been on a mission trip.
I was raised in the church but for 20 years I could be described as a passive participant at best and even though I’ve grown more in Christ over the past 2 years than I did in those 20, I still have moments where I question, doubt, and fight Him.
I would love to be able to summarize my story with the words of Isaiah 6:8. The Lord asks whom He should send and Isaiah responds passionately saying, “Here I am. Send me.” Isaiah’s words exemplify humility, servant-hood and obedience.
Instead, my story is more of a testament to the truthfulness of John 1:16 which reads:
For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace (ESV).
In the past, God has asked me the same question that He asked Isaiah and I’ve reacted in the exact opposite way.
I’ve been less than enthusiastic about His will and it’s only by the grace of God that He has included me in His plans, let me walk alongside Him and changed me for the better anyway.
The more I crave refinement, the more I’m reminded of how very opposite in nature my flesh is to the holy nature of God. Being in control is my comfort zone and that’s led to some pretty intense tug of war battles between Him and myself.
I’ve pleaded and pouted and ignored Him when His plan for me was different than my own. I’ve followed my own desires, gotten into situations that were too big for me, crawled back to Him and by His grace He’s somehow redeemed it all for good.
He’s rescued, comforted, and also managed to teach me a lot through it all and I thankfully I am finally starting to learn.
Everyday I become a little bit more like Isaiah.
Everyday I become more like the woman I was created to be: a woman after God’s own heart who relishes in the privilege of doing God’s work alongside Him and doesn’t hesitate to offer up herself to Him for His glory.
But I’ve also learned that even the though goal is to become a “Here I am. Send Me” kind of girl, a girl who doesn’t hesitate to answer God with a spirited yes every time, “grace upon grace” isn’t a bad place to be either.
Grace means that I’m growing.
If I need grace, it is because I’m tackling things that are bigger than I am and allowing God to fill in the gaps where I fall short so that His glory might be shown.
If I need grace, it is because my weaknesses are exposed but in that vulnerability His strength is perfected and His power rests upon me (2Corinthians 2:9 ESV).
Being in a place of grace is risky because it’s a place of complete dependency.
There’s no pride or security in receiving grace; only humility and uncertainty.
But being in a place of grace also means allowing God to accomplish things through you that you never could have done on your own (Ephesians 3:20).
It means having the privilege of being a part of the kingdom that He’s building and an participating in an eternal plan that will have a lasting impact on people of all ages, from all backgrounds, all over the world.
This blog will document my race; I’ll write during the fundraising and preparation process, through my journey on the field in 11 different countries and bring it back home, as I process through reentry.
At the end of those 18 months, when I’m back from the race and this particular leg of my journey ends, I hope that this blog reads like a book testifying to the glory that manifests in allowing His grace to cover you.
I pray that through the reflections of my struggles and triumphs that you would see a picture of how great our God is.
I pray that you would see the character of a God worthy of the risk of following; one who calls us to do hard and sometimes painful things but who always walks beside us, leading, guiding and loving us through every moment.
I pray that you would see the way that resting in His grace opens up the door for His power to work within us and do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
I pray that we would all be encouraged to let His grace wash over us, because when we’re doing hard things and growing and climbing and fighting to be the men and women we were created to be, in His grace is a good place to be.
