I think that this one will be another transparent one about me. I sort of started out this month not expecting to be challenged or face new types of adversity but that is me forgetting about the real truth of life. The main three inner enemies that I have faced this month were Worry, Apathy and Anger. I spent some time worrying about money. Another thing was our budget and I even had a lot of apathy about doing ministry as well. I would treat ministry as something to get over with so I could be in my own world afterward. Also I’ve noticed that small things will set me off into anger and I have not had this much consistent negativity in a long time. I really can’t find a source for all of this yet. The only thing I can do is bring in more discipline or find things that I’m thankful for because these emotions are relentless. It seems to be a month of heavy spiritual warfare influencing all of this as well. The reality of the war can clearly be seen in this month.
I’m once again reminded of the patience that God has with me being an unbelieving and wavering person who does not want to trust him. Once more I’m also reminded of what Jesus said about worry. There is nothing positive that comes from it and it does not add to your life. Anger is another thing that kills our spiritual sense. One verse of scripture tells us to not let the sun go down on your anger and also human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
Apart from a lot of inner turmoil this month feels a lot like my month in El Salvador. We mainly had two parts of our ministry right now. In the morning, we share our stories and devotionals with women who are going to a sewing school where we live. After a lull in the middle of the day to get lunch, we go to a halfway house where we spend time with men who are recovering from addiction. It is strange having more time on our hands than usual.
I’m finding out how powerful and important sharing your story is with people. This seems to be a huge part of ministry this month. We will be hearing stories of people and we share ours and through this healing can be brought in. As we share some of our hope and our past with them they are greatly affected and they end up encouraging us as well.
One thing that is being impressed into me this month because of my inner adversity is keeping my mind on what is above and not what is earthly. The scriptures say that our real lives are hidden with Christ if we have died with him. When he is revealed our lives will be revealed with him. I have always heard verses like the one in Colossians about keeping my thoughts about things above where Christ is but it never really sunk in until this month.
