Well, it has been quite a while since the last time I posted
a “real� blog. That has been for a number of reasons. The biggest reason is
that I really haven’t sat down and figured out what to write about to describe
what I have learned and grown in over a couple of the craziest months of my
life. Well let me walk you through something that I have been learning a lot
about lately….
Over the past month or so, the Lord has been revealing a lot
to me about His grace. I know that may not be groundbreaking or an earth-shattering
revelation, but there is so much to learn about His infallible grace. When I
look back on the race, some of the moments that stick out the most are the
moments when I “failed� in the flesh. There were moments for me to speak into
people’s lives, and I didn’t. There were moments where I had a word from the
Lord, and I didn’t share it. There were times when I could have been the better
person and offered forgiveness, and I didn’t. It’s been a tough realization to
come to the fact that, even though I am a missionary pursuing what God has
called me to, not everything is going to be perfect, and I’m not going to wake
up every morning ready to save the world from the fires of hell. How do I live
with this realization you may ask. Well there are a plethora of instances in
the Scripture that I lean on and look to and realize that not even the people
that we look to and we admire were perfect.
The person that sticks out to me the most is Paul. In 2
Corinthians 12:7-10, he talks about the thorn in his flesh and how he has asked
God repeatedly to remove it, but God answers, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for power is perfected in weakness.� Paul then says, “Most gladly, therefore, I
will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in
me… for when I am weak, then I am strong.�
God, that is my cry in the period that I am in right now,
that I can embrace my imperfections, and even come to a deeper realization
about how miserable and wretched I am without your grace. I admit that it is
hard to love people. I admit that finding intimacy with you through Your word
and prayer is difficult, and at times I really don’t even care. I admit that,
at times, my desires are a lot more enticing than what you have set before me.
May I embrace my weaknesses in order so you can strengthen me! I realize that
the flesh is weak, but the good news is that the flesh has passed away (2
Corinthians 5:16-18). God, you have reconciled me to yourself, and no matter
how far I stray or how much I want to do this life on my own, You are still
drawing me closer to You. Your grace is as infinite as Your love is God.
The last thing the church needs right now is
more pastors, missionaries, and leaders that hide their faults and make it seem
as though God would have us to be perfectly molded vessels before He uses us.
In all actuality, God wants the vessels that are shattered on the floor,
useless to the world, but when they allow Him to pick them up and put them back
together how He wants, His Kingdom spreads like a wildfire through them. I will
steal a line from Morton Kelsey… “The church is not a museum for saints but a
hospital for sinners.� God, may we have leaders that embrace that mentality and
spread it to their congregation.
