While talking over lunch with my dad earlier this week, he said something that stuck in my mind, and although in the moment our conversation wasn’t about me, he said “Silence is an action” and I pondered for a moment on his words…Sometimes when things are going good we can’t help but share the good things God is doing in our lives and the lives around us, but then things can get hard. For some, and for me recently, we get quiet and choose to struggle without allowing people to see it making it almost impossible to accept encouragement fully or even allow for constructive criticism.
So then the silence seems to speak for itself.
About two months ago I made a huge announcement that I would be going on a missions trip called the World Race, and then I went silent. At first, honestly, the silence was because God pointed me towards another route which pushed back my launch date until October of 2018. Sometime between deciding to switch routes and being officially transferred, the silence began to be fed by something else.
Fear.
This summer, while sitting on the porch in Les Cayes, Haiti, I looked up to God in Awe and with a desire to serve and said “I know you are good, and you have a plan for me. So what’s the plan? Lord, I am ready to go, direct my path!” I begged he would reveal something, anything. Then, I came home and continued to prayed and seek any way to serve Him. Once the World Race became an option, it was only a few weeks and it was clear this was a road God had put in front of me and it wasn’t long after that, I chose to take that road. Little did I know, I wasn’t just signing up for a missions trip in 10 months time, but from the moment I said yes my faith began to be tested. Fear started to seep in.
I began to fear failure and people opinions more than God Himself. I started to doubt myself asking …”Who am I to be going on a year long missions trip? What have a done in life that even qualifies me for this? How do I explain to people my heart, will they even listen? What about when I get tired and I can’t say yes anymore?” I can’t tell you how many nights I stayed up wondering why it is he died to take away my sins, how could he love and forgive someone who failed him everyday? Little by little this fear of failing him began to replace truth of his love and it resulted in silence.
But our God is so GOOD and I thank him for intervening by speaking through people and answering prayers in the middle of the night with his Word. I thank him for revealing himself to me in places like Haiti, giving me foundational experiences that always bring me back to his Love for me. I thank him for breaking me to surrender again and again reminding me it isn’t me who will be strong enough to keep on going, and it isn’t me who has to “get it right” in order to be free from sin but HIM who gives strength to the weary and power to those who believe in him. He is the one who has overcome the grave for our sins so that we can have a personal relationship with Him and He is the one we lean on things get too hard.
Jesus doesn’t look at me as a sinner, as worthless, or incapable. Jesus is the one who has made me sinless, worthy, and capable to do ALL things through Him.
This is where I have found my voice again.
Although I struggled for the past month, I never once doubted his existence which kept me searching for truth, and I thank God he has surrounded me with family and friends who have been challenging me to seek God’s word for answers. But I do want to be vulnerable with you, this journey has pushed me and will continue to test my faith. God has spoken one thing very clearly to me, James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.“
So as my friends and family, and anyone who is willing…I need you, I need prayer warriors to join in on my journey. Who can pray that the testing of my faith will produce perseverance and that the Lord will provide my needs physically, spiritually, and financially.
I don’t want to be naive to think I will not struggle again, but I don’t want to be foolish in not asking for help to overcome trials. Thank you so much for being a part of my Journey and supporting me in anyway you have felt called!
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AND If you don’t follow me on Facebook or Instagram (WHICH YOU SHOULD) Here is my First Fundraiser!
BUY-A-BOX!
Choose a Box amount to give as a one-time or monthly donation! Support me by picking a box or as many as you would like! (ex. Square 44 = $44). Please E-mail me (of FB message) me with the square(s) that you want to take and I will send you a link for donating! I will fill it in once it’s taken and repost again to update everyone on which numbers have been taken! Thank you for your support! https://www.adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=worldrace&desc=Jeorgianna%20Pulford&appeal_id=PULFORDJEORGI
