I’ve been a performer pretty much my whole life. From a very young age I began singing with my family in church and performing in talent shows. When I was that age, the stage was horrifying. I would get scared that people wouldn’t like what I was doing, or that I would be a disappointment if I failed. The scenarios of what could go wrong would run through my head right up until the moment I would step onto the stage. Right before a performance, I would question if I knew all of the words, or I would worry about my outfit. Every little thing would rush into my mind until I would finally get on stage to perform.
Once I was on stage, suddenly, all of those doubts and fears would melt away. Suddenly, I would know exactly what I was doing, how to do it, and with no fear of what people were thinking because I was doing what I loved, and after it was all over, I would feel relief and fulfillment as members of the audience would come up and talk to me and tell me how much they loved what I sang.
As I have grown older, I have learned to silence the doubts and put my mind at ease before performing in order to overcome the stage fright, because stage fright never truly goes away. Whenever I start to feel myself worry about the performance, I just breathe deeply and focus on something else. A lot of times, I tell myself that every performance is a dress rehearsal, because then if I mess up, I still have a chance to improve, and that doesn’t mean that mistake was a failure, but rather, a learning experience.
In the past year, I have been in rehearsals for the greatest show of my life, but I have not been doing well. I keep forgetting lines, choreography, and in the midst of that, sometimes I even forget what character I’m playing. This, of course leads to doubt and nerves. I question my own skills and if I am even worthy to be a part of such an incredible cast telling such an incredible story. I question if I know what I am doing enough to tell the story well enough to someone else. But luckily, we have the best director in the whole world, who, despite our doubts, will guide our ways towards His purpose and to tell His story, and He will pick us up when we make a mistake, and He will feed us lines if we forget them.
So here we are at launch, and in less than 24 hours we will be on a plane to Colombia, about to put on this “show”, and the stage fright is starting to creep in. All of the doubts and fears I’ve had from performing are coming back again, but I’m giving them too much power. God is teaching me that if I trust in Him and seek Him, He will give me the words to speak and the strength to be a witness of His mighty works. Those doubts and fears are not real, and they are nothing more than stage fright, and I know that as soon as I step out and start singing my song, the Holy Spirit will fill me with His words and His love, and He will lead me in His ways as long as I am seeking Him througout this journey. The lies of the enemy are not real, and they are just reasons he is giving me to step down and stop singing, but God is bigger than stage fright. God is bigger than our insecurities. God is bigger than our fears. God has a plan and He will not abandon of forsake His children. He has all authority and He deserves all praise, and I will not let fear control me and keep me from sharing how much I love my God and how grateful I am that He is my comfort and my protector in times of trouble, and my friend and companion in times of peace.
We are about to share the greatest story ever told, and I will not let anything or anyone keep me quiet.
