It is so easy to get caught in the trap of comparing our faith and our “Christian-ness” to other people, especially people in the Bible. So many people point to the radical stories of the bible as examples of how we should be, but we often overlook the humanness of the people in the bible.
Take Jacob for instance.
Jacob is often revered for being the father of the tribes of Israel, and also the father of the famous technicolor Joseph. However, Jacob has more than his fair share of character flaws, including:
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Stealing his oldest brother’s birth rights for a bowl of soup
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After being forced to marry Leah and not Rachel (his true love), the 2 women fight over Jacob via having babies of their own and of their maids (hence, the 12 sons)
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After agreeing to be paid for work on Laban’s land in the form of splitting the livestock in half, Jacob sneakily breeds his share to be more plentiful and stronger than Laban’s share
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He is not the best father:
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Showed unhealthy favoritism to Joseph and Benjamin
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Older sons murdered a man
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Older sons sent his youngest son into slavery
So, although Jacob is remembered as a great character in Christian and Jewish history, he was by no means perfect. But here is the punchline:
The people in the bible are not perfect, because people are not perfect, but God will redeem us anyway.
In the past 4 years of my life, I have succumb to these thoughts in my mind that my flaws define my character, and that everyone is keeping a list of all of the things I do wrong and that they are holding it against me. Because I thought this, I just assumed God was doing the same thing, so I got scared and a started straying away from Him. I genuinely believed that I was an awful human being and that I was incapable of doing anything good. I tried to suppress it, but the devil got to know me too well and it got to a point where I couldn’t battle those feelings on my own anymore.
At training camp, I made the decision to be re baptized. I knew that I wasn’t as close to God as I wanted to be and I felt like I had fallen too far into the enemy’s grip that I needed to make a radical statement of letting God into my life as my savior and Lord again to scare the enemy away. I needed to declare that in this next chapter of my life, I will be living for God’s glory and not my own, and I will see myself as His beautiful child. I can’t tell you exactly what changed, but when I re-emerged from that water, I felt whole again. I felt surrounded by the love of every squad who was there to witness, from my friends who warmly embraced me afterwards (because man, that water was cold!) and I felt the embrace of the Father again. I felt the shackles of my insecurity fall away, and all of the shame I had held in for so long become insignificant. The enemy lost his hold on me! I felt redeemed!
To me, the story of Jacob reminds me of how I judge myself. I used think that our goodness could be calculated as a sum total of our good actions and our bad actions, and that will tell you how good of a person you are. To God, He could care less about my past sins. Colossians 1:13-14 says “He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins”. But even back in the days of Jacob, God spoke to him in Genesis 32:28 saying “Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed”. In that moment, God rewarded Jacob for His constant faith despite his past transgressions. Jacob knew he did wrong, but still served God faithfully and still tried to reconcile his wrong doing, and that’s all a relationship with God is. As I try to serve God fully and faithfully, every day I feel Him renewing my mind and blessing me as I seek His kingdom and His glory.
God changes our identity. In Him, we are not defined by our past sins, but redeemed from them through faith in Him. God commands us through Isaiah 56: 3-5 to “not let the Son of the foreigner who has joined himself in the Lord speak saying ‘the Lord has utterly separated me.from His people’ nor let the eunuch say ‘Here I am, a dry tree.’ For thus says the Lord, to the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths and choose what pleases Me, and hold fast to my covenant, even to them I will give in My house and within My walls a place and name better than that of sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off”. God has a better plan for us, and He wants us to live full lives and will reward those who seek Him. He sees us as He created us and doesn’t want us to see ourselves as anything less than children of God. We dwell in His kingdom and we wear a crown of love as we share His blessings with others. And the only reason we can do this is because WE ARE REDEEMED!!!
