Let me just preface this post by saying that I was not intending on writing this. The Lord has prompted me for the last several days to share and I have been fighting him on it because it was not in my plan. But I pray that his words ultimately come through and encourage you to trust in His timing for your life.
Over the past month and a half that I have been fundraising I have felt this tension within my soul. I am excited for all the change and newness coming my way, but I also love where I am. I have been wrestling with thoughts of “have I made the right decision?” or was this all a mistake because why would the Lord ask me to leave a place that I love so much. So in praying through these thoughts He has been gently whispering “trust my timing”. The whispers were so faint that I could hardly make them out and I wasn’t sure if I was hearing him right. I was second guessing everything until He made himself very clear this past Sunday.
I was driving to work really early in the morning and the story of the bleeding woman came to mind. I thought it was weird timing but went with it anyway, remembering the story from Mark 5 as best as I could and seeing what the Lord had to say to me through her story. The big take away I got from that short fifteen minute conversation on my drive to work was, she had come to a point of being willing to risk everything to just touch the hem of Jesus’s robe. So Jesus asked me in the early morning stillness, Are you willing to risk everything? Whoa, that is a scary question to consider. I did not want to consider the question so I moved on and went about my job as usual. Little did I know that I was being prepped to hear an even bigger message that night at church.
I get to the evening service at my church and as we dive in my pastor has us open our bibles to Mark 5. I was sitting in my chair thinking there is no way she is going to talk about the bleeding woman, but sure enough she does. My pastor goes through the woman’s story and talks about her desperation and how she was at the end of her rope. She was willing to risk everything because she had tried everything else and nothing had worked, so why not go and see this man who was healing people with just his words, surely if his words could heal so could the hem of his robe. Meanwhile her story is embedded into a larger story. Jesus was on his way to heal a sick child of a very well liked synagogue leader. So I could only imagine the impatience of this important man as he sees Jesus stop to listen to a woman who is viewed as insignificant in their society. Especially when the woman is at Jesus’s feet telling her whole story. (The bible doesn’t tell us how long that took but I would think that telling your whole story to the creator of the universe would take a significant chunk of time.) By the time that Jesus arrives at the leaders’s house the child is dead. Jesus tells him to just believe and Jesus goes into the house. Jesus commanded the little girl to rise and get out of bed. Wait excuse me, he what?? Yes Jesus command this little girl to get up and walk around and she does. He rose this child from the dead. Could you imagine witnessing such a miracle? Jesus knew exactly what he was doing when he delayed his visit to the leader’s house. He knew that because of the delay that both the woman and the official would get more than they ever imagined. The bleeding woman receive dignity and full healing. The synagogue leader and his wife witnessed their child being raised from the dead. Wow!
So what I learned from this is that Jesus doesn’t need to keep to anyones schedule except his own. His timing will always be better than mine. All I need to do is trust him and walk in obedience of what I believe he is calling me into. How could I not trust in His timing, when He knows everything and can see the bigger picture when I can’t.
I am writing this post to confess that I have not been trusting in the Lord’s timing. I have been second guessing his sovereignty because I want to be in control. I have been trying to figure out the balance of living presently and fundraising on my own strength and I know now that the Lord has been gently whispering and nudging me to give up my control. To let go and let God do His thing. He wants me to live in the freedom that He will provide the funds I need in His timing. All He asks is that I live presently with the community he has given me here in the now and to seek him first. He will do the rest.
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:8-9
Trust in the timing of heaven and you will get more than you could ever imagine or dream because His timing will always be better than ours.
