The Post I wrote yesterday is true of where I am at but it was not the whole truth. This post you are about to read I didn’t want to share because it is something I am still learning more about and figuring out. The reason I am sharing it is because the Lord convicted me last night at my small group to be vulnerable and share what is truly going on in my heart.
I think part of me also didn’t want to share this because it seems a little cliche, but whatever, here we go. If you have never heard the song “Oceans” by Hillsong you should stop reading this and go listen to it. Once you have listened to it come back and finish reading.
This song has significance in my life because one of the first times I heard Holy Spirit was when I was an intern at Woodleaf in 2014. I went to the first say so of the summer. For those of you who do not know what a Young Life Say So is, it is when the camp speaker gives kids the chance to say in front of their peers if they decided to follow Christ during their week of camp. It is the very last thing campers get to do before they leave camp. It is called say so because in Psalm 107:2-3 it says, “Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south.” It gives kids the opportunity to proclaim in front of their peers that they choose to believe in this Jesus they heard about all week. It is one of the sweetest moments of the week in my opinion. This particular say so made an impact on my life because right before they gave the kids a chance to say so they played this song and all the kids say along. And when I say ALL the kids sang along I mean ALL the kids, even the ones that actively chose not to believe, and the confused kids, as well as the kids who didn’t understand what they were singing. AND IT WAS POWERFUL.
“You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find you in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When Oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace
For I am yours and you are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and you won’t start now
So I will call upon your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When Oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace
For I am yours and you are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith would be made stronger
In the presence of my savior
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith would be made stronger
In the presence of my savior
I will call upon your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in your embrace
I am yours and you are mine.”
While the kids were singing this song, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper in my soul, pray this song Jenny, pray that I will lead you where your trust is without borders. I want to take you deeper than you could ever wander on your own and I will make your faith stronger than you could imagine. I immediately began to leak from my eyes and could not control it or stop it. It was a sweet reminder for me in that moment that the Lord has plans for me, not just for these kids I was serving all week, but that He had real plans for my life too. So every time I heard this song I would pray that the Lord would make the words of this song ring true in my life, that he would expand my faith in Him and that he would lead me to trust Him without boarders.
Now we press fast forward to last month when our worship team starts playing this song at the end of service, and as I am singing I hear deep in my soul the Lord say, “This next chapter is what I was preparing you for in the club room four years ago. I am going to take you deeper than you think is possible in this next year and I am going to expand your trust and faith in me. I want to show you what you are capable of and open your eyes to who I created you to be.”
Whoa, wait a minute, you are going to do what with my life Lord? I realize now looking back that I had no idea what I was really asking for. I didn’t know the Lord would call me to go on this crazy 11 month long missions trip, to live uncomfortably, and serve his kingdom across many boarders. To literally have to depend on Him everyday for provision and to go speak, pray, and serve where He leads me everyday. My mind was blown when the Lord reveled this to me. In this He is teaching me to not put expectations on His plans for me. He is reminding me that He is bigger than I can even fathom and His dreams for me are bigger than I could ever dream on my own. I can’t wait to share what the Lord does though this experience and to see where He takes me. I have a feeling He is up to something Big. He is going to rock and shake my reality until I see what He sees.
