I came into this past month tired, frustrated and pretty discouraged. I have been traveling around the world for the last 9 months seeing God move and people’s lives changed and set free. Meeting people that God has equipped and gifted to pursue His kingdom in so many ways. Teaching, preaching, rescuing, running a coffee shop, sitting in the dirt, climbing mountains, owning a restaurant and the list goes on. I was regularly putting myself in the stories of these people asking God these questions.
Is this where you want me ?
Do you want me to serve here?
How could I fit into this equation?
By doing this I realized I was limiting myself from seeing the rawness of Gods work being done in my brothers and sisters and robbing myself of fully being able to appreciate their stories.
SELFISHNESS was the big word that flashed across my mind coming into this month. That’s when God told me to hand over the pen. My life has been a constant battle of letting God write parts of my story but not all parts. Quickly jumping into things under my own control thinking I was writing my story and the only way it would go well is if I was the one with the pen. The only way I would get to do the things I loved Is if I went ahead and wrote the next chapter in.
PRIDE is the next word that flashed across my mind. Again God told me to hand over the pen. At the beginning of the month I told my team that I was done trying to figure out my future because I clearly wasn’t getting to far with any plans and every second that I was focusing on it, I was constantly ripping out the papers of my story and throwing them away. I didn’t even know what I was passionate about anymore and constantly feared making the wrong choices. All I knew was I wanted to serve God wherever he wanted me to go in whatever form that looked like. That’s when I stopped writing and gave him the pen.
This month my world was turned upside down. I felt like I was trying to write an auto biography but had Alzheimer’s. Now with boldness I can say I’m living out the most beautiful love story.
The thing is God knows the protagonist the best. He created me, my likes,desires, passions, and most of all my heart. My Father has shown me things about myself this month that I didn’t even know I desired and loved. He has given me the most amount of Joy and peace because all I had to do was hand over the pen in order for my chapters to be filled with adventure, love and freedom.
Within a matter of one month God has shown me that what I thought I wanted and needed was not at all my hearts desires and that as long as He is the one writing my story I will never have the fear anymore of moving in the wrong direction.
This month God has called me back to Nepal to write some more chapters here! I am so blessed and honoured that he has taken me to this place to love fearlessly. In just one month God has said “ok now that I have the control I’m going to give you everything your heart desires and you have no idea how beautiful your story is going to get.” The thing is I used to think I’m not worthy of receiving the things I love or at least to many of them at once.
Then came PEACE. Peace in realizing if I have been given a new heart, one that’s been created by Him then I don’t need to be afraid because they are Gods desires too.
Then came LOVE. Feeling so loved because when the pen is in my Fathers hands, every sentence of my story is drenched with feeling his heart beating in me and seeing its love being released to those around me.
Im not one for long blogs and this was supposed to be about informing everyone about all the ministry I will be doing when I come back here but like I said I don’t hold then pen anymore. I can say that it involves
?Cutting hair
?Teaching women rescued from trafficking and unthinkably horrific pasts to cut hair and allow them to support themselves
?Telling them they are beautiful,valued, cherished, and treasured
Seeing their lives set free
?Art Art lots of Art 🙂
?Being sharpened and mentored by some of the most fiery, passionate women I have ever met
?Spending days in the dirt and never feeling more comfortable
?sitting with women in dance bars loving the girls because I feel the burden from Gods heart for justice
?Feeding the hungry
?Bringing the healing power of Jesus Christ to physical bodies and hearts
?Worshiping and praying my face off and running around with some crazy people trying our best to love whoever is put before us
?drinking all the chai tea I can consume
? experiencing the mountains of Nepal that scream the foundation of art itself
When I say that God wants to give you all the desires of your heart this is a massive testimony of those promises being answered. He wants to give you the desires you don’t even know you have inside your heart and you will never know about them unless you hand over your pen.
I can share more about specifics of what next year might look like if anyone would like to ask me but I know I had to share the story he’s writing for me right now. I don’t know many of the details like how I will get the money soon to come back or what daily life will look like for me in Nepal. All I know is that its a fearless journey from here on out full of peace that everyday is apart of a love story written for me and to those who are placed in my path. I have discovered myself in the most beautiful chapter yet of my story because he was given control of the pen. I can’t wait for the other chapters to be written and I know they are going to be wild and full of all sorts of adventure straight from His heart. With the best chapter yet to come at the end !!
Are you holding your pen ?
I encourage you to hand it over and TRUST that the heart behind it will really be everything you have ever desired and more because it beats inside of you.
On a side note
After being up for a full 24 hours I have not yet reached Africa. We actually only flew a few hours I Delhi before finding out our flight was cancelled. God is so good and I am sleeping in the nicest hotel I have seen this year eating a buffet at 1 30 am.
After 6 months of Asia we are on our way to Africa !! Pray our squad gets there soon!
Sent from my iPod
