"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast" ~Ephesians 2:8-9
Wow. That's the word that pretty much sums up my life right now!
I have been so incredible busy this semester is has blown my mind! From school to work to an internship, and oh yeah The World Race. Now I am not complaining about this, I love being busy! I would much rather be busy then bored, however this can very well be my downfall. I can get so caught up in what I am doing and it often gives me a sense of control and self-accomplishment. I wasn't until recently that God has shown me what a dangerous thought this can be.
He has been asking me a hard question recently that scares the crap out of me and probably most people;
"What would happen if I took it all away from you?"
What if God really did take it all away from me? My job, school and even the World Race? Would my faith stand strong, trusting in God even more? I have been learning more about what it truly means to be humble. I have so much pride in my life it's not even funny. Before I started a real relationship with God, I was blinded by my pride, I couldn't see anything God was trying to show me. And God was so gracious to show me my sin, my ugly wrenched sin and how my I needed God's grace. How could I possibly think I was ever in control of the things around me and my accomplishments? Anything that ever happens, only happens because God allows it. I used to believe such a dangerous lie, I believed because I was a "good person" I didn't need God's grace as much as other people, I was better then other people. Now I still thought I needed God's grace, but not as much as Joe Shmoe.
Once God showed me my pride it was my choice what to do about it. Should I sacrifice a real relationship with God for pride? No. I wanted it out of my life, but that has not been easy. And now I'm learning even more of what it means to be humble. My prideful self wants to be in control and wants to believe I deserve certain things, such as going on the World Race or even salvation, like God needs me. But what is the basic definition of grace?
An UNDESERVED kindness.
I don't deserve anything I have and I certainly don't deserve a relationship with God. What a humbling feeling and perspective that so many Christians miss, God does not need us at all and we deserve nothing God blesses us with. How can we move closer to God if we don't understand this basic truth and humble ourselves before our gracious God? I don't believe it is possible. It seems even harsh to say that God doesn't need us, but the most wonderful and beautiful part of it, is that even though he doesn't need us, He WANTS us! God has shown us such amazing grace that can only truly be seen through the humbling of ourselves.
How GREAT is our God and oh how he loves us! We are his beloved and He, the God of the universe, wants me! There is nothing we can do for God and He does not need us, but chooses to use us! Imperfect, sinful people to do His amazing woks! It is our privilege, not His, to be able to do be used by Him in His perfect plan.
And this is the perspective God has been teaching me when looking at the World Race, I know God is going to use me in an amazing way even if He does shut the door on the trip. If He has given me the opportunity to be a part of such an amazing thing as the World Race and then He chooses to take it away then I have faith that He has something even more amazing planned for me. I think we learn much more about God through the hard times than the good.
I want to learn to be fully dependent on God alone more then anything.
"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." ~Romans 12:3
