When I thought about a missionary life before I came on the World Race I thought of a fairy tale. What could be better then living in a foreign country telling people about Jesus?? Bringing light to a broken world. When you see my pictures on Facebook and social media you are probably thinking the same thing about the life I am living right now. It’s not as it may seem. The truth is these past 5 months have been really hard. I couldn’t describe to someone at home the things my eyes have seen. Things that while being here have become somewhat normal which is crazy to think about. Things that have broken my heart but that I have just kept inside. So now I will tell you a little bit about the things that aren’t so glamorous.
The brokenness and hopelessness I have encountered has been indescribable. When people say they dream of going to America there is a reason they say it. Because it is a place that you can hope and dream and it can actually become a reality. In most countries it is not a reality by any means. A lot of the people I have met and ministered to come from severe poverty(financial and emotional). The kind of poverty where you sit in one room with 5 kids running around and the only thing you have to cook is rice if your lucky and that stove you are cooking on is the only thing that will keep the family warm through the winter. When you have to stop going to school at the age of 7 so you can garbage pick with your dad to provide for your family. The kind of poverty were toilet paper isn’t considered a necessity it’s not even considered. When a 6 year old girl is taking care of her 6 month old sibling carrying them around the village because her mom or dad is not around to take care of them. When 14 year old girls are preparing to get married and have children of their own because that is what their culture says is appropriate. If they don’t they are outcast and their family will disown them. They don’t have a say in their futures. There life is planned for them. I have seen places were war has completely devastated the country years ago and has still not recovered. People still walk in fear and even though they are considered free they really aren’t.
I always look into people eyes to see how they are. There is so much sadness and despair in the eyes I have seen. It’s almost as if they have given up and just live to get through each day. The word I would use is soulless. A lot of the people I have come across are forbidden to follow Jesus or there family will disown them or they could even be killed. And if they decide to take a leap of faith with the Lord they are having to deal with the pain of losing their family forever. Women who’s husbands have left them for other woman while they are at home taking care of the children. When they got married as Christians and they chose to stay together till death do them part and the other person didn’t keep there vow and decided to follow the world. How hard it is on a heartbroken woman to take care of her family while her husband is off with someone else. Something that is really hard for me to witness because someone I love dearly has walked through the same thing. Seeing old people live without family because their family had disowned them. Watching them sit in a place waiting to die for the most part. Wanting to rescue each and everyone of them but knowing that I can’t. Knowing that the only thing I can give them is love for the short time I am there. Seeing men and women in and out of rehab centers because they can’t break the chains of addiction that are holding them down. As hard as they want to stop the addiction that has ruined their life they can’t. The sadness is to hard for them to deal with. So they cover it up with alcohol or drugs. These are just some of the things I have seen.
I am also experiencing what it is like to live life without the comforts of home. There is a saying on the race called Tina(this is not America). And there are multiple times throughout the day I have to remind myself of that. A lot of things just don’t make sense but that I have no control of. I am living out of a backpack, without warm warm water to shower with aometimes no water at all. You wash your clothes by hand, you sleep in the place you are given with or without a bed sometimes with 7 other people in a small room with someone you haven’t known for more then an hour. Traveling for 3 days at a time and by the end it all feels like you are in a dream because you are so tired and trying to figure out what just happened in those past 3 days. Did I really just fly from Eastern Europe to Istanbul,Istanbul to Dubai, Dubai to Africa. with 12 hour layovers. Then get on a bus and stay at a random house with our tents because we are not allowed to drive after 9 pm in the place we were in Africa. And then waking up at 4:30 am to drive more on a bus. Wow I get tired just writing about it.
Here is a glimpse of the life I have been living for the past 5 months.It is really hard my friends. It is also beautiful at the same time. I know the only way I am making it through is because of Jesus. He is giving me the strength to persevere. A lot of days I am tired emotionally, mentally and physically. Sometimes I just want to breakdown or just be by myself and I have to remind myself of all the people in this world who are hopeless and don’t know the Lord. Who just want to feel loved. Being a person who was hopeless and heartbroken in my past encourages me even more. The only way I came out of what I would call hell on earth is through Jesus. He saved my life. So as hard as this race can be I remind myself that it’s not about me it is about the kingdom. It’s about showing people the love of Jesus that can literally save lives. I am still walking through a lot of healing and transformation but I will take the hard days on the field and being uncomfortable Any day. I am forever grateful!!!! This is the Romance of a missionary.
Romans 5:3
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character,and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
