Ideally, by now, I would have told you about how I was called to go on The World Race, introduces you to the beautiful people in my life through charming photographs, and captured your attention with a cliffhanger at the end of my first post….OR even started THIS one with a clever hook that would have sucked you in and inspired you to read the rest of this post.
That’s what all of the blog tutorials keep telling me anyway….
Sorry to disappoint!… but that is not what is going to happen in this post.
Que horrible! I know! My deepest apologies.
However, what you CAN look forward to is that after this very post, I WILL accomplish said tasks and you will understand a little bit more about my backstory and the people I was going on about so much in my first post.
Okay… so now that, that that is out of the way… let’s dive right into the reason for this post.
COMPARISON.
Such an ugly word, right?
Well. I couldn’t agree more.
It is
My vice.
My downfall.
My Kryptonite.
The one thing in life that continues to
catch me,
shackle me, and
burden me.
As I have gotten older, I have found methods to tone down the voice in the back of my mind constantly telling me to go out and be prettier, look nicer, dress cuter, act kinder, laugh quieter, speak sweeter, etc… but I am still plagued by what the pastor at North Point Church calls “ The Comparison Trap”.
…the “ What if” and “ If only" ’s of life.
Is this healthy? No.
Is this helpful? No.
Is this spiritually sound? No.
Is it real? Very much so.
So, why talk about it?
This is something that I have been bombarded with since the day I accepted the offer for The World Race. I have been following the lives of so many racers the last few years, and have looked up to the wisdom their blogs have brought me. In addition to that, I never saw myself actually being on the flip side of said blog world, and actually being an author of one of those posts. With the newfound responisbility of casting the shadow of a spiritual leader to those in my life, as well as putting pen to paper I started to realize how empty I feel without the guidance of my every day comfort zone.
Where is this void coming from? Why all of the sudden do I feel inadequate?
I found the culprit. Instead of focusing on the overwhelming joy in knowing that God has selected me to embark on this journey, I immediately jumped into the stressful whirlwhind of fundraising and making an impression through the World Race blog site. Reading other posts and joining a new community, has provided me another outlet to do one of two things…
A. ) Create a positive support system of people with similar passions
OR
B. ) Provide me with an avenue to compare myself to others and bombard myself with unnecessary expectations and stress.
Though option B has been easier to slip into, I have been mentally and emotionally training myself to only allow A to make an impact in my life.
This has not been easy. I have had moments of despair, emptiness, fear, and worthlessness…but because I have made the effort to surrender the pressures in my heart to God in the last week… I have had the energy to power through those trying times.
I can already see that the path that God has placed me on is going to be challenging… but in the end it will all be worth it. I am going through emotional strength training and I would prefer to have no one other than God be my guide.
I encourage anyone who has been having feelings of doubt to listen to all 3 sections of
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