Love like a Lotus Flower

Hello!

In the last month or so I have sent out about 150 sponsorship letters announcing my plans to go on The World Race in September of 2013. In this letter there is a brief explanation of what The World Race is, and an invitation to join me in preparation for the journey. I have since received a range of responses:  most of surprise and many of pure excitement. In addition to the immediate responses, there comes a flood of questions. 

 

Some of these questions I tried to answer in advance by putting them on the back of the letter: 

 

“ Aren’t you scared? – Will you be safe? – You’re going to be gone for HOW long?! – You’re only bringing a backpack? – What are you going to eat? – What happens if you get sick?” Etc…

 

There is one question that is asked almost every day: 

 

“ WHY are you doing this? “ 

And it is typically followed by a “ You haven’t finished school yet. “ or “ You have such a great job. “ 

 

 I find it challenging to answer that question, and often just change the subject or simply respond with a joke like “ I know, I’m crazy right?! “ and keep it moving. 

 

The " WHY " really is so complex! 

 

For me, the “ why “ behind The World Race is a feeling that varies from day to day. Putting that emotion into words has been very difficult. It is hard to pinpoint a specific reason because there are so many variables incorporated in the decision I have made.

 

The application process began on impulse after a conversation with a friend of mine; previous racer, and current Squad Leader Joel Dutton (he’s got some pretty incredible blogs. Check them out). In the conversation we talked about what we’ve learned in life, the things he’d experienced in the last two years on the field, and what it truly means to be a missionary.

 

Listening to him share his experiences, I began to feel the void in my heart make itself known. This void is something I do well at filling with other distractions and excuses, but after that conversation I could not keep it quiet…that voice in the back of my mind telling me,
“Jen this is for you. This is your time. You have to let go. Have faith. Just apply. “

 

Spiritually, the desires of my heart are to love people ( all people), care for the broken hearted, and share hope with the hurt and angered. This is mostly because I have experienced my fair share of these things as well. My walk as a Christian has not been a comfortable one by any means.

 

Often, because of this I find myself thinking about Why I SHOULDN’T go on The World Race. 

I think one of the most confusing parts about accepting this opportunity is that I don’t feel like the right person to be labeled “missionary”. In my mind a missionary is someone that lives a pure and blameless life with an unwavering faith in God…(i.e. Mother Theresa. )

 

 I am no such follower. 

 I have doubted the Christian religion, and have spent years without a church home. I don’t go to Sunday school or bible study. I can’t recite back to you more than five scriptures, and most of them I learned as a child in VBS. 

I can’t tell you the order of the books in the bible, nor have an educated debate with you about whether dinosaurs were real or not. 

I’m not even sure if I can recite all 10 commandments to you without stumbling or taking time to think. 

 

I have had my fair share of drunken nights out at bars, and used vulgar language. I have lied and cheated others in life, and have been dishonest to my parents. 

I have disrespected others, devalued the church, and struggled with the judging others as “hypocrites” and “close minded” while justifying my own shortcomings. I have held grudges, and displayed hatred to those that didn’t accept me. I have doubted God, and questioned his faithfulness… and even his existence. I have harmed myself and have harmed others with my words and actions, and turned my back on those that did not deserve it simply out of spite. 

 

With all of these characteristics I feel like calling myself a missionary is a complete disgrace to God’s work, as it doesn’t live up to the expectations that our culture has of what a missionary should look like.
…Again, all of the reasons WHY I SHOULDN’T go ☺. 

 

What I have found, however, is that much like a Lotus flower… God gives us the opportunity to fight through the scum, the dirt, and the poor conditions to finally blossom and emerge when all things comes together in his perfect timing. The struggle is what makes us stronger. The fight builds endurance.  This is my time to emerge and blossom, and figure out who I truly am in his light. 

 

There is beauty all around us, and I know that even in our brokenness, there is light. 

So, the reason why I am going on this journey with the Lord is to learn how to love Him more, love others more, and learn to love myself more. 

Only $14,364.11 left until I am fully funded 🙂

 

Stay updated on my journey by clicking
the link on the left side column that says " Update Alerts"

and you will receive email alerts for every post that I make to my blog!

 

If you would like to partner with me financially on this mission, online donations ( one time or monthly)
can be made by clicking the link to the left labeled " Support me! " or by sending a check to :

 

" Adventures in Missions: The World Race" 

Memo: " GAGEJENNY" 

 P.O. Bo 534470 

Atlanta, GA 

30353